MOM ON THE PS3

I look around and see endless things to do. From a new set of dishes and pans to wash, to beds that haven't been made. It seems these endless chores keep reappearing like magic once I check them off my list as done. Then, Poof, the kitchen sink is full again, the beds are undone and the bathroom is crying for cleaning.

Getting caught up in the madness of daily cleaning is not only exhausting, it leaves little time for anything else. My addiction is books. The kids know when I'm really tired because I won't even have time to read. So, yeah, the house is going to wait today and I'm going to take some time with my son. He's playing alone and although my skills are sort of "forever beginner", I will attempt to play Call of Duty with him. 

Boy, do I stink at this game! I can't get the soldier to even go forward without looking all around. I end up staring at the sky then the ground, then "BOOM!" I'm shot and I'm dead! I apologize for being the worse player on this team effort and promise to try again. I move forward and try to be smooth. I get through the mall and later into the airplane. I shoot but hey, I'm shooting all over and I can't aim at all. I aim and fire but I'm shooting at the sky and then at the same side of wall until, you got it, "BANG!" shot down and dead for like the hundredth time.

Was it worth it to leave the house work on standby for some time? Absolutely!!!!
I can't begin to tell you how much my son, Jacob, laughed when I was trying to play. He had a blast just watching my reactions and my continued attempts to be at least a little bit of help. We had a great time playing together. 

I'm not telling you that playing Call of Duty is what I recommend you to do with your child. Maybe you are not okay with this kind of game and that's fine. But, there has to be some kind of game you can play with your child. Regardless if it is on a PS3 or on the floor playing Twister, there is always something we can play with them. 

I remember my mom would take a pen and fill a page with hundreds of dots, neatly organized in lines. She'd then teach us to connect the dots one a time. Whoever closed the square would write their initial on the inside and then have a second turn. When the entire page was filled up with squares and initials, we'd count the initials and the one with the most letters for their name won.

I also remember my dad would always have a deck of cards. He not only made learning math fun, he also taught my brothers and I, along with mom, to have family time with cards. It's not the amount of money we spend on our children, but the amount of quality time we invest in building our relationship with them.

What does this have to do with my child being a diabetic?

 Nothing and everything.
Children that face living with sickness and certain disability have enough on their plate every day. Shouldn't we as parents find it in our time to make their days buckets of sunshine each day? Don't you believe it is our duty to find ways to get their minds off of their situations and into something better, like laughing at mom or dad make a fool of themselves at a game? 


I'm not great at any game on the PS3. But, if you invite me to a game, I rarely say, "No." I want to inspire you to use games in your family time to change the atmosphere after having to give injections, change a site, or give your child the medical treatment they need that day. Use games and don't be afraid to be a clown when it is time to check your child's blood glucose, blood pressure or change their bandages. Be a sport and have some fun with your child. At the end of the day the truth is this, the sink will always remind you of dishes to wash, the rooms will always need attention and the broom will always call you to come and dance away. But your child will not be little forever. They have memories that need to be filled with a lot more than discomfort and pain. I hope these words motivate you to join your child in some fun this week! Hugs to all.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILD BY BECOMING ONE

Many of you already know that one of my struggles with my son is the issue of the pump continuously coming off. If you've read my other postings, you know how hard it is to get my son to agree to put it back on. He actually prefers multiple injections throughout the day to getting that one big injection thrust into his skin. How does a parent convince their child getting pierced is a "good thing"? It's not easy sometimes.

I attempted to get it back on and he was assuring me it would not be allowed on his body for another week. Countless talks with him only served to further irritate and stress him out. Lord, what will I do? What should I do? His sugar throughout the night had gone up since the pump came out just before bedtime. He was so tired and refused to get it on. Although I covered him throughout the night, it had not been enough.


Now, here I was, wanting to go out for some shopping and didn't want to depend on having to give him coverage each time he ate something. I just feel so much secure and at peace when the pump is covering him. It's like a huge powerful umbrella on a very rainy day. The pump is like that wonderful blanket you can't get rid of during the cold, winter days. No matter how old that blanket is, it is the warmest and your favorite. It's dependable. And, that's how the pump makes me feel. My son is being taken care of.

As a parent we need to have a back up plan for emergencies. I began to brainstorm ways to convince my son to let me put the pump back on. I tried the whole health reasons, "WHAM" out the door. That didn't work. I tried the whole "You'll feel better throughout the day" reason, "BOOM". That didn't work either. So what was I to do. I left him alone. Sometimes we forget, he's still a child. He just a kid wanting to be a regular kid without these daily worries. 

I decided to leave him alone for a while. And then, the idea came as I observed him. He was being a kid. He was playing. That's what my heart said to follow. "Become a kid with him." Our family took turns playing with him and killing the zombies. We celebrate his victories to the next level and even yelled when he was getting ready to die, "Watch out!"


I made lunch and we continued to enjoy each other's company. Then, I announced we had to go out and it couldn't wait any longer. "Man we were having such fun!" I remarked, "Oh by the way, let me put this on you real quick." Jacob looked at me with sadness and I said, "I know it hurts. I wish I never had to do this. But, I promise, we'll play again later."

Strong arms raised and wrapped themselves around my neck, hugging me tightly and saying, "Mami, I love you." It is this love that melts my heart each day and this love that keeps me going. My son allowed me to placed the new site on his shoulder. As we left the apartment, he stood next to me, placed his beautiful, long hair covered face on my shoulder and said, "Mom, I love you!"



Dear Mom and Dad of a child who has Type 1 Diabetes or any other sickness or disability, I know your struggles are not easy. I know that many times you wish you could carry the burden for your child and take away all their pain. But you can do it. When you feel like you're losing control over a situation, don't fight it. 

Don't take their confrontation personally. Become a child. Enter their world and enjoy time with your child. In that moment, they just need you to be there. And, I promise, the Lord will make a way for the struggle to turn into a loving moment. God bless you and keep you today and always. Receive strong hugs from our Heavenly Father in this day to continue being the wonderful parent you are!

Isaiah 40:29 NIV 

He gives strength to the weary and 

increases the power of the weak.

WHAT DISABILITY?

Head full of dreams lies softly on the pillows. A blue and green Hulk blanket covers his body but his feet stick out, with one leaning over the bed. This is what I see before I go to sleep tonight. My love, my son, who played his heart out today on the field, is now safely in dreamland. Maybe those dreams are filled with tackling and catching footballs. 

Before he went to bed, he shared how during practice, he was hit and he got to hit back as he was learning to play football. I smiled when he said, "One of the best things that happened to me was falling down. You know why? It made me get up and want to get them down, too." He then goes on to show me what he did to make his teammates fall during the practices. I give him a high five and celebrate this simple victory. 



There are other victories for today as well!

Jacob is still on the pump. The fear today was that having the football pants with the padding would create discomfort and heat. We feared for a small moment that the site would come out. But,we decided to speak the opposite. We spoke out faith and believed that God would cover the site.As my son sleeps, I can tell you that the Lord truly took care of the site. He was able to remove the football pants and the site was completely in tact. Not even a little bit unglued. 

Being extremely hungry, he checked his blood sugar and it was 64. He immediately started drinking his juice as I served him dinner. Boy, was he hungry and did he eat! But these are victories! Small for some, but to us, super big!

I don't know how a real game will be for my Jacob. His first game will be very soon, only two weeks away. I don't know how my heart will react to him being pushed and hit on the field. One think I do know and it is this. No matter the disabilities or the hardships that life brings into our children's lives, continue to encourage them. Always have faith that things will get better and teach your child to have hope, to believe to dream and work towards being everything they want to be. 


Disabilities and sicknesses are seen by so many as limits. And, yes to a degree, they can be. But those limits are stop signs when we focus on the negative instead of living life to the fullest.

My love sleeps, as do my other loves, Jeru and Aaron. I love my kids and I know you  do, too. If your child is living with some kind of physical or emotional situation that at times crushes your heart and you wish it would go away but it doesn't, don't lose faith. Keep praying. God has a plan.. We don't know it. I pray you are encouraged to know that your child's dreams are not in vain. They too will succeed because God is with them. 

Midnight Madness and The Pump

   

One of the bedroom doors squeak open and light runs into my bedroom. A dark shadow approaches and I know it is not the boogie man, but my son, Jacob. He climbs up and begins to burrow himself into a space on the bed. “I don’t feel well, mom.” I see his discomfort and I rise from bed and become Dr. Mom.

The routine questions begin.

“Did you check your sugar?” I ask.

“No.” he answers, like a puppy circling his spot on the bed. “So, let’s check it…

What are you feeling?” I continue to question as I walk away to get his meter bag.

“I just feel sick. My chest hurts and my head.”

I don’t know what to think. Is he just tired and sleepy? Is he really feeling horrible? I check his numbers and find they are only slightly high.

“OK, enter the numbers into your pump now.” I tell him as I walk away to get some cold water for him.

Then he hits me with the newsflash.

“Oh, it came out before. Remember?”

“Your pump came out? No. When did it come out?” Now I’m sort of upset.

“Oh, that’s right. I told Dad, not you. Yeah. It came out before and I forgot to tell you.” He looks away. I must have that Evil Mom look starting right about.....NOW ! ! (Keep calm girl)

Honestly, inside I think I cursed in my head because I hate it when the pump comes out.

I guess the pump being off is the reason for him feeling crappy. Sugar is slowly rising. I visit the supply drawers and take out what I need to prepare to place the pump back in. I take out the insulin and am soon ready.

I go into Jacob’s room and tell him I’m placing the pump on. My son has ever given me a hard time when it comes to putting on the pump. There's always a first time.

Tonight, out of all nights, he decides to fight on the subject of putting the pump on tomorrow because it’s so late. He gives me a super hard time. Grabbing his pillows, he covers himself and refuses to let me prep the site. Although I remain somewhat quiet, my insides say, “AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!”

By now I am frustrated, but I stay there, waiting and explaining this must be done. I choose not to lose my cool. I get up and go to the living room. I think about dancing and ice cream.

 Right now I am the mother he wishes would go away because I must put this needle. He asks me to give him Lantus instead and leave the pump for morning. My problem is that lately, even with the Lantus, his sugar levels in the morning and throughout the day remain in the 200s. I know the pump will be more effective in maintaining levels down. So, I know all I can do is pray for wisdom. Best to remain quiet. This is not easy for him at this late hour. 

A few seconds later.... “Sorry, mom. You can put it on. Sorry I lost my cool.” My son walks into the living room to join me and as he sits by my side, placing his hand upon mine and reassuring me of his love and his apology. With a heavy heart,  I place a new site on him and then put the numbers into the pump. We walk into this room and I tuck him in. I am sorry son that I have to do this to you but I don’t have a choice. I’d rather do this over and over in order to extend your life and make it a healthy one, than to carry you into an early grave. I am sorry that sometimes you see me as the Evil Queen in Sleeping Beauty, turning into a horrible dragon because I won’t back down sometimes. But now you can sleep without worries because I know you are being taken care of.

Jacob’s small flashlight is turned off. I walk away quietly and close the door behind me. Sleep and tiredness have finally overcome me. I am sad because I had to pierce his skin at such a late hour. I am also relieved and pleased. I am confident that as he sleeps, his sugar levels will be stable. The Evil Queen can go to sleep and hopefully wake up looking more like a princess. Sleep well dear son. I love you.

SLEEP OVER AT GRANDMA AND GRANDPA'S HOUSE

Today I am getting my preteen ready for his visit with his grandparents.

Most kids pack:

• toys
• video games/game consoles
• books
• clothes
• personal accessories

As you already know, Jacob's packing preparation is more like:

• toys
• video games/game consoles
• books
• clothes
• personal accessories
• extra insulin bottle
• insulin pen
• pen needle points
  
• extra quick sets
• extra canulas
• batteries
• piece to inject quick set
• extra lancets
• blood glucose monitor to check sugar
• Extra of everything in the supplies drawer

So, yes, it can be stressful to prepare your child who has different needs for a sleepover, but as a parent, we have to let go and trust that we have taught our children how to properly care for themselves when visiting family and friends. My son knows how to identify sugar lows and highs way before they affect him. He also lacks off at home because I'm there to watch over him, but when he is around other people, he is more aware of what he needs to be done. 

He wants to enjoy special time with those he loves.

Well, this is his test preparation for Football Camp coming up really soon. My heart rises to my throat and my stomach ties in rocky knots at the thought of him going without me. 

There's a part of me that wants to roll myself in a sleeping bag and throw myself in the Charter Bus baggage compartment. I want to be there for him. 

Truth is, I know God will take care of him. 

I trust in God's Sovereignty to guide Jacob and keep him from harm.

"Guess who's coming for dinner?"

Well, gotta go. Lots of packing to finish. Mom and Dad, be on the lookout. Your happy Jacob is on his way to keep you busy! And, don't worry Jakes, I'll take care of Fog.

#jacobduran #diabetes #type1diabetes #childwithdiabetes #diabetesmanagement

THE PUMP CAME OUT, AGAIN

July 15, 2013    7:30 pm

Today has been one of those day that don't make sense. Even though I made sure Jacob's sugars were fine throughout yesterday, he still woke up with numbers soaring upwards. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating it is. I placed him back on the pump and he should be getting insulin during the night, but it seems he really isn't because how is it these numbers are just staying up there? I wonder if the insulin pump is working correctly. I check and all seems well. Hmmmm.

Well, I took care of it quickly this morning and so far, up to this moment, his numbers have been really good. I don't know what happens while he's sleeping? Does he dream he's locked in an ice cream factory and the only way out is to eat all the ice cream until he finds the exit, made out of chocolate chips?

You're already analyzing what perhaps went wrong the night before for this to happen. As you get ready to comment, positively or negatively, may I remind you....

• He's still a child
• I'm not perfect 
• Although you think I am, the truth is I'm not really a superhero
• There are perfect days and then upside down, opposite days

These are not excuses, just me, a mom being realistic.Children with type 1 diabetes are after all,  still children. I'm sure I am not the only mom to witness these issues. A child shouldn't have to worry about these things, just enjoy being a kid. My son reads or play games at night and although I'm always on top of his case to get things done, there is always room for a mess up day and last night was one of those rare times, but if we're going to be honest, or it's just me, many parents have experienced this, too. And, yes, he's learning that he is a little different and has responsibilities other kids don't have. But when I kiss my son good night, I would like to just enjoy my son, at his age, healthy, happy, and wonderful.

As I edit this blog, he's on his roller-skates. Just got them. Boy is he on fire! My Jacob is going back and forth, back and forth throughout the apartment. Thank God we live on the first floor, right? And guess what? His pump site is bothering him, itchy and half way out. So, off it comes. I just placed in on him yesterday. These things happen. Frustrating...But what can I do?

There are two things I feel about the pump. You choose to agree or disagree. I hate having to put it on my son. I do. I think he hates carrying it around and how it comes off a lot especially during the summer. But, I also can say I love the pump. I do. I love it because it is the tool that is dripping life saving moments into my son's body. It is the tool that is keeping him strong and alive!

Once you have experienced the benefits of wearing a pump, you don't want to ever go back. Eight to ten needles a day, turn to one every two days. You still need to check regularly the blood sugars by pricking the finger, but it does change your child's world drastically.

So, guess what? Tonight I'll stay in his room and personally check his sugar. One point for mom! And I'll set my alarm clock like I usually do and get up early to check his sugar. I need to make sure it's not super high again.

Well, this is all for now. Share some more later. 

July 16, 2013
12:30 am 


I promised to write before I went to bed. I took Jacob to roller skate for a few minutes in a nearby park. He was dancing to his own beat and moving like a professional. Less than a half hour he says, "Mom, we can go home now." He is tired and he feels his sugar dropping. You know what I'm going to do next, right? You're right. My magic bag with everything needed comes out so that I may check his sugar. Definitely dropping and if you said it before you read it, you're right! The juice box and the snacks came out and he had them as he skated and I walked back home. 

He is asleep and yes, his numbers were good before nodding into dreamland. I hope his dreams are filled with winning battles, and defeating foes, with mighty adventures and beautiful moments. 
For now, I too, will try to sleep. I hope you, parent of a diabetic or a child with an illness, can sleep too. I hope you try. I know that maybe today you are tired or just worried. God provides peace for us tonight. Let us lay aside all our cares and know the Lord holds our children in His arms as they rest. I hope I get to meet those of you that care for children like my Jacob. You're amazing!

WHEN DIABETES CAME TO VISIT

July 15, 2013

Remembering
Hi! For those who don't know me, I'm Angie. I sit here tonight realizing it will soon be seven years since I had to slowly digest the news that  my son had Type 1 Diabetes. I have forgotten many things, but those months I remember well. The torment, the guilt, the challenges as a working mom, questioning my faith, and so much all at once was beyond overwhelming. I want to talk about this journey with my son and what a better place to share than here? There are so many topics I want to discuss and research but these, for now, will be my focus.

#1 School
Tonight I am here thinking about my son and what an amazing kid he is. He had a very rough year. It affected him in so many ways, especially school. Attendance is a big deal and there's no reward for passing the year when you've spent half of it in the hospital or the doctor's office.
I am proud of my son. I really am. He passed with excellent marks and received awards, no, not attendance, (maybe one for lack of) but he made it through one more year. Now, he's getting ready for middle school. Lord, help us.

#2 Checking Sugars and Giving Insulin
Although my heart breaks each time I have to puncture his precious skin to give him insulin or check his blood sugars, I've not been asked if I would like to do this. I have no choice if I'm to push my son into a successful, active and productive life.

#3 Discover/Cook New Meals
I have tried so many times to change how I cook, create new or try new recipes. It hasn't been easy. I can tell you, as a female raised by a Puerto Rican mom, most of what I learned to prepare as a meal is very high in carbohydrates. So, part of the problem is I still struggle with meals. That is something I hope to tackle in this journey. Better, healthier meals for the whole family.

#4 Faith in the Midst of Sickness
At first, when my son was first diagnosed, it was hard. I really spoke to God and refused to believe He could allow this in my son. I had seen the effects on others and had an idea what life would be like if the doctor's prognosis was correct. I was angry, hurt, and mostly in shock.
Lord, I prayed, let it be me with this sickness, not my baby who was only four years old at the time. Lord, take it away and out of his body and place it in me. But, God was silent.
I wanted to yell out at God because I felt he had failed me. Then I quickly realized that was the wrong attitude. God had not stopped loving me or my son. God was not a Greek god picking on my family. He had not made my son sick. I prayed for strength and wisdom and more than anything else, the courage to inject my baby. I can't wait to share what I've learned.

#5 Parents Taking Charge 
I slapped myself awake and spoke boldly to my pity party moment reminding myself my son needed me and I didn't have time to question God or the world so full of sickness and contamination. As his parent, my role is to be ready for action. I can't be afraid or a silly person who is going to faint at the sight of blood. I realize my hardships as a child, watching and taking care of my brothers were all with purpose. I didn't have time to say, "Oh poor me", I had to get up and learn what had to be learned and fight for my son's health by being steady, dependable, and aware of what had to be done.

#6 Highs and Lows Sometimes all over the Place
There will be more issues added later, but for now, the last issue I would like to research and discuss in this journey is how crazy my son's sugars can be, no matter how on top of things I remain. Even exercising, they soar or he'll be home watching a video and suddenly a low. The weather affects him, food and life in general. How do I provide what my son needs? I'll be researching and discussing it.

#7 Football Mom
I will work on talking to other parents and athletes that have type 1 diabetes and I hope to learn from them. I want to know how they get ready before a game. How do they handle drills, running and practicing for long period of time. I will share what I learn because our children are amazing and they can do anything and everything they put their minds to.


#8Lastly, Venting and Sharing
This is my place to write the way I want to and need to. It is not a place to argue about anything. I am still learning about Type 1 Diabetes and I'm sure there are parents out there doing a much better job with their child that I. I'm not here to criticize your parenting, but to encourage you. I don't want to belittle your experience, but join you in learning. I want to partner with you so that together we can focus on raising strong, healthy, independent, courageous, ambitious and ready leaders in our world. We can do it. I believe it. I know you do, too. So, I hope you will join me in this journey. Some days I'll write a lot, other days, maybe not so much. But, I hope you will be open to receive from my heart to yours and that we can succeed as parents of some truly awesome kids!

#jacobduran #type1diabetes #diabetic #diabetes #diabeticplanning #diabetesmanagement #childwithdiabetes