Monday, December 23, 2013



Before I sleep, I look outside the window, the world is wide awake and so am I. The skies are gray, the trees are dark, and the light outside comes in small bits and pieces. The night lamp outside is not too bright and passing cars make light run through the window blinds every few minutes. 

Once more, tonight, like many nights in the past, I am on a midnight watch, watching over my son. Fear is a strong presence, but Faith arrived as well. Faith has proven a loyal friend, and can take any argument Fear throws my way. So far, Faith has won everytime. Faith never argues alone but keeps Hope and Love on speed dial. Just in case. You never know when it's a full house after midnight. And I must always be ready.
I felt such guilt. You see, I was so tired that I ordered out when in the back of my mind I heard all the warning signs to get my tired behind up and cook a homemade meal, not take out. 

I can't explain it. I just had a bad feeling. 

The price paid for take-out was high sugar levels that lasted for a few hours.  I began to give him a correction and lots of water. All I heard in my head was, "What a horrible mom you are! Shame on you!" Fear walked in and stared me in the face. I silently prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me. Yes, Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for the excuse of being too tired. Forgive me for not listening to the warning in my spirit. That's when Faith walked in and Hope followed.

My son's sugar levels went back to normal but they were pretty high for a while. I prayed and asked the Lord to teach me to be the parent my son needs. Help me, Lord. For each time I think I am learning something new, I see a billion areas that still need improvement. 

Faith and Hope stood with me tonight and reminded me that I have to learn to believe I will make the best decisions for my son. Faith reminds me that trusting my heart and my instincts will never fail. Faith tells me that I am not alone in my walk as the mom of a Type 1 Diabetic child. Last time to check my son's sugar. He is asleep. Relief fills my heart but then again, Faith and Hope had promised me good news was near. I kiss my son, good night and smile as Fear walks away and slams the door behind. Faith and Hope smile back and let me know they'll hand around til morning.

I am ready to nod off. With a grateful heart, I turn off the lights and attempt to sleep. Once more, I pray for wisdom, guidance, and the ability to make better choices every day. Even in small things like ordering take-out. Never thought you'd read about a ridiculous thing like this, right? But, maybe you're a parent, a tired one, that has worked late hours or was sick and this idea comes into your mind like it did with me. Follow your heart. Your heart is faithful and true. Create and have a back up plan. I know I will from now on.

Lesson learned: Plan ahead and prepare extra food when you imagine you might have a super busy schedule. Better some healthy left overs, than unhealthy take out.

#fear #highsugar #bloodglucose #hyperglycemia #faith #hope #guilt #parents #diabetes #diabetic #diabeticblog #diabeticblogger #highbloodglucose #diabeticchild #t1d #type1 #prayer #nightwatch 

Friday, December 20, 2013


The journey you and I are on is not your typical one. For more parents, the journey is a timeline of events gone by with upcoming growth moments and celebrations of life. But, for those that have a child at home that requires a little (ok, reality check- a lot) of extra attention, the journey can require a few more benches along the way so we can take a few more breaks. 

I know you're saying, "Yeah, right? Like really? When?" And I agree with you. There just seems to be little time for breaks and just when you think you've become the expert in one area, you realize this part over here needs fixing and oh, yeah, now its something new. I get you, loud and clear!

But, because we do have some special children in our lives that will always need from us a little more, it's time to look ahead and see the road before us as one that doesn't only have to be filled with rocks, puddles, rainstorms, and dark places, there can be a joy in the journey.

Today, my son is doing so much better. Sugar level was 96 this morning. Two days ago it was in the 300s. So, I take the blessings as they come, small or big. For right now, he is well and in the timeline of our lives, this is a dot where I can jot down, "Hooray!"

There is a joy in this journey if you dare to take it!

"How?" You ask, when you feel so sad and overwhelmed at times. "I can't!" You shout, "Not today!"

I see the roadblocks up ahead just like you do. I see the signs and the light blaring that there is danger ahead. I know that maybe tomorrow the signs of sickness remind us death is always near. 

But, please for today, let us find and keep the joy!
The rocks are there? Then, let's jump over them.
You see the puddles? Put on some rainboots and let's splash our way through them.
The roadblocks are signaling danger ahead?
It's OK. Get your Emergency Kit ready and be on the alert. You will get through this.
Rain clouds and thunder storms up ahead?
Then, make a choice. Umbrella, rain jacket, boots or ballet slippers and Ipod.

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he [it is] that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

The challenge will always be in our face. Don't let the things we can't avoid take our joy. Look at the beauty of life in the midst of the hardship. Majestic trees, snow caressing the branches, the faces that smile and your precious child that loves you just because you are you.

There is a joy that can be ours as we take each new step in this journey with sickness. My journey includes Type 1 Diabetes, and I don't want it walking with me and my family. For today, for the Christmas season, we're putting on some shades and disguises and walking out the door hoping T1D won't follow. Well, you get what I am trying to say. Don't let it stop you from living and loving life. Each day will have its burden. Take time to find and keep joy in your journey, today.

#diabetes #juvenileDiabetes #diabetic #joy #journey #faith #sickness #sickchild #suffering #sadness #holidays #christmas #family #heartache #joyfull #storms #trials #believe #hop3 #diabeticblog #diabeticblogger #t1d #walk #diabeticchild #childwithdiabetes #special 

Sunday, December 8, 2013

TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK #sickness #diabetes

Not Denying

We cannot and should not deny the great discomfort physically and mentally that accompany anyone living with Type 1 Diabetes. As I write, my son is sleeping and I can only think of what an awesome and courageous child he is. How little he complains and how much he does each day as if nothing was working against him inside his body. It’s not until his sugar either starts dropping or has spiraled upwards that he stops and remembers Diabetes is still hanging out in our home.

I am not advising that anyone, especially someone with a child with T1D, ever ignore or live ignorantly of the reality that presses upon them. Diabetes is real and it is most definitely no one’s friend. But, man, when it shows up at the door, it walks in, uninvited I may add, bags packed and ready to hang, ready to stay. 

This is the part we don’t like. It dared show up in our world that was sort of doing well. It has entered and taken over many homes.

Taken over

Diabetes has taken over if all you can do is weep over the fact that it won’t go away. If you find yourself or your child immobilized with fear and sadness and as if your world is over, Diabetes has taken over. Some parents begin to lessen the activities their child can participate in like birthday parties, going out to eat and the occasional treat. If you walk around so stressed out that you no longer enjoy life, maybe, and I can be wrong, Diabetes has taken over.

Close the Door Symbolically

Unless a divine miracle takes place in your life or mine, we are sort of stuck for now. But, we can make a declaration. We can take life over again. Symbolically and by faith, we can cut Diabetes’ stay short and remind it that it is not only unwelcomed, but has to go. By now you either stopped reading, or are getting ready to write to me to tell me I am crazy. I believe, by faith, I can see Diabetes walk out of my home. I believe that symbolically, if it seems I’ve lost control over my life because I’m worried or overly concerned. You can be in charge again! Go back, as much as you can, and begin to do the things you did as a family. Yes, you will have some extra bags along for the ride, but do it anyways.

You may have to prepare yourself for the positive along with the negative that may happen as you take a step forward and begin to take your living and breathing space again, but oh, the release you will experience.

Living By Faith

I am a woman of faith. I believe prayer changes things. I also know that there are things I will not have the answer for. Why my son and my brothers are not healed is something I wish I could understand. But one thing I do understand is that I will not live bitterly, beating myself over with a bat and being angry at God. I’ve seen the healing hand before at work in my family and this gives me the assurance I will see it again.

Get rid of the spirit of despair. It will only weigh you down and stop you from spreading your wings to fly. And you know what? While your wings are clipped, so are your child’s wings unable to spread wide open to embrace the adventures awaiting each day. Despair and anxiety have no place in your life. 

Live Again !

Take your life back! You have so much to live for. I look at my son, all covered up in his bed, and next to him is his insulin pump and on his nightstand is his blood glucose monitor. Under it is a bottle of juice. Not the average way a child’s bedside looks like. I kiss my son on the forehead and pray, “Lord, bring healing into this body.” And as I walk away I am filled with hope. I closed the door to Diabetes and though I cannot ignore the reality it has declared itself a permanent resident in this home, I make the choice to stand in hope, on God’s promises, believing in healing until my last breath. Until then, watch out world, this family is coming through with purpose and courage to face each day!

#diabetes #diabetic #healing #type1diabetes #juvenilediabetes #diabetesblog #diabetisblog #faith #prayer #stress #insulin #pump #insulinpump #medtronic #glucose #glucosemonitor #believe #sickness #disease #kidneys #highsugar #lowsugar

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

It's Not Your Fault

     Who am I writing to? You may ask. To anyone who has ever said, "It's my fault." To everyone that has felt "I'm to blame." and perhaps, to myself. To myself for speaking and writing those words on a block of cement and then keeping it with me, in my bag, at my side, near my bed, and in my mind for a very long time. I'm writing to you, mom or dad, who is that hospital room trying to make sense of the diagnosis the doctors just gave your child. I'm speaking to you, dear parent, who just took your child home for the first time and now you are on your own without doctors and nurses and you have to provide for your child's needs and you feel helpless.

You carry a great weight on your back and in your heart because you are angry, you're afraid, and uncertain of what the future holds. "I'm to blame!" 
You cry out into the emptiness of your bedroom. You cringe at the thought of having to say, "My child has Type 1 Diabetes" and instead you call it the "D" word because the nausea and the headache that accompany the news you've just heard push you helpless to the ground.

But, it's not your fault. It is not mine. Yes, we feel hurt and we have a billion questions we zoon into the heavens. You ask, "Is this a punishment for my sin?" And you try to understand what the doctors and caretakers are speaking but everything is a big blur in front of you.

So, get up from that seat of condemnation and guilt.
Rise up from that bed of discouragement and fear. Lift yourself up and strengthen yourself, encourage yourself, and see your strength and your courage as the tools that will get you and your child through this new journey in your lives. 

You can get up and win this fight!
You have a child that is waiting for you to guide him or her.
You have a child that doesn't know what to do next, but you do. And even though it hurts you when you have to inject your child, if you don't do it, who will? 
Your child's life, survival and ability to go on is in your hands. They are looking at us. They are waiting.

So, dear mom, no more fear and no more guilt!
Rise up and be the awesome parent you have been blessed to be. Take your place in this battle and defeat the enemy of depression, guilt, anger and hopelessness.

I'm cheering you on from where I sit writing to you. I've been there feeling the way you are feeling today. I too had to hear the horrible news. But, you and I have to go on for our child. Raise your hands in victory because you can do this!

If there is anything I can help you with, let me know. We can get through this together. You are not alone.

I've surrendered my life and my son to the Lord in heaven. God, your Word says You will never leave or forsake us. Take care of these parents that have just gotten the news that their child has Type 1 Diabetes. They need your loving arms around them right now. Take care of this family. In Jesus name, Amen.

#type1 #diabetic #diabetes #juvenilediabetes #family #sickness #healing #encouragement #prayer #diabetico #thedword #notalone #helpless #hopeless #angry #frustrated #guiltyparent #guilt #gulity #badnews 

Sometimes, I Just Don't Know What To Do

This morning I find myself somewhere in the middle of frustration and inadequate. Yes! Me.
It just doesn't make sense how I can take such good care to prepare my child to go to bed feeling well, his glucose numbers almost perfect, (if there's such a thing,) and yet, he will awaken in the morning completely unable to attend morning classes. 

Could it be that you understand what I'm talking about here because, although this is not deja vu, you've most definitely been in this same position before?

You know what it's like to change the infusion site last before bedtime. You take your time making sure he or she is covered and rested for the challenges of a new day. 

Then why is it 8:00 am and my child is still in bed getting over those "sick symptoms" that are present when the blood sugars are high. I'm sure you've experienced this dumb and awkward buzz in your brain where you're like, "How the heck did that happen while he was sleeping?" Perhaps, your child like mine has awokened with almost 600 for sugar level. 

I'm having a Charlie Brown moment here, AUGH, Good grief!

Now, imagine. It's morning rush. He is supposed to leave the house by 7:15 am and he is just feeling sick. Does this happen to you? Your mind becomes the lawyer and the self interrogating begin:

So, what went wrong? Is the pump acting up?
Is the site not working?
Could it be the insulin is not good anymore?
Did I do something wrong here?
The truth is, and I'm almost positive of this here, that I haven't done anything wrong. 
Did I make a mistake when I was adding insulin?
Could it be the tubing?
Why didn't you get up at 3:00 am to check on him. You usually do!

The voice of accusation and condemnation team up against you and sometimes, you just don't know what to do. I'm there a lot. Some days I feel like a medical professional and I can almost see fairies dancing away in my living room and musical notes floating in the air. Oh, yeah, and then I wake up to reality, like today, and BOOM, it is all in my face once more. 

All you and I can do as parents in moments like this is breathe, take it easy and use what is before us to get our child's blood levels to improve and for our child to feel better. 

I am writing to encourage you today because this morning I've needed the extra person on my team to work with me. This road can be lonely many times because we carry the burden alone and no on else in the home is able to do what we do. We remain quiet because panic mode is destructive to ourselves and our children. We learn to find that "happy place" and stay there until it is over.

For me, my feelings of inadequacy and frustration take me to Scripture. I allow my thoughts and my feet to take me to words of hope and promise. My heart soars in a prayer that no one but the Lord hears and I surrender my child into the arms of Love. 

Lord, this day is so frustrating. I don't know what to do sometimes. I don't want my son to be absent from school, again, but how do I send him like this? Lord, I feel like it's all my fault, all the time, and deep inside I am sure I've tried to do all I can and then this still happens. Be my strength and fill my life so that I can pour out into my son everything he needs from me today and always.

Lord, When I don't know what to do....I turn to You.

#frustrated #parenting #parents #diabetes #diabetic #diabeticchild #juvenilediabetes #holidaydiabetic #diabeticholiday #t1d #type1 #parentsofdiabeticchildren #diabeticparenting #frustrated #sickness #hope #healing #prayer