Ever felt alone and just wished there was someone to talk to?
Have you ever have to deal with a crisis in the middle of the night and realize, there is no one to get an opinion or idea from?
Pray. Lord, I will pray.
I guess I should explain. My son
has been really battling sickness left and right for the past four weeks. From virus, to not a virus, to asthma, and then blood levels going up and down. Oh, and the latest I learned today. Insulin actually goes bad or can be out of date when we get it at the pharmacy. Yes, this will also cause the worse to happen because you see, you think you are giving your child insulin that will keep his levels where they need to be, but the truth is, he really is just getting useless liquid that is only making his glucose levels sky rocket. Lord, I am tired. I will not lie. But, Lord, how must my son feel? Lord, my child needs you so much.
It's in these moments where I have to stop what I am doing or about to do and breathe. Today I was up at 4:00 am. My son's insulin pump was ringing off the wall, alarm blaring, he was out of insulin. I got up and changed all the tubing and placed a brand new vial of insulin. I attempted to fall asleep, praying all would be well in the morning. Lord, when will this stop? When will you heal my child?
What do I tell myself. I tell myself to be strong. I tell myself to get up and keep going. I tell myself that I have the energy needed to get up and go to work when I've barely slept. I tell myself to be brave and trust in the Lord.
Before my alarm went off at 6:00 am, my daughter awakened me to tell me something was wrong with my son. Again, Lord? Can you come and help me? He was really feeling sick. I didn't understand how he could be so sick all of a sudden. His sugar was over 600. In my heart I felt it was the insulin so I immediately decided to change it. Do the whole thing over. Lord, I'm so tired. What do I do? What did I do wrong?
What do you do when your child is going through high blood sugar and you cannot grant him relief. He has to wait until the new insulin takes effect. You give your child water, comfort them, pray over them and wait. How do we handle our child's pain and discomfort when we possess no magic wand to make the nausea the vomiting and headaches that accompany high blood sugars disappear?
You tell yourself he will be alright. Yes, you may have to go the hospital but this will change into a good situation before the day is over. You remind yourself that even though your child has not been healed, the Lord is at work in his body and his life. You sing songs of comfort and speak courage into your heart because as a mom or dad, there may be a long day before you and you can't quit. You can't sit back and have a pity party. You can't stand on the side to see what will happen. We have to be ready for action and ready to take charge of making a bad situation into a moment of making decisions and problem solving. Lord, I'm going to trust that I'm not here alone. Walk with me. As I help my child get dressed, hold us both through this. As we wait upon you, Lord, hold my child.
I had my first day off of work today. It was a very difficult decision. I chose my son. I chose to sit with him in the hospital and not send someone else to take my place. He needed me and I reminded myself that I had to take control and find the relief he needed fast. I can tell you as I write this that his sugars today remained in the 200s. Before he went to bed his level was 500. Yes, I wanted to shout, "Why? HOW? But...." The truth is, these things happen and if I go crazy thinking of the hows, then I don't take care of what I must. My job is to comfort my son. love him and help him through this time. He is still getting over being sick and these crazy numbers are company to illness,even as it leaves. Lord, you are the Healer. The Bible is full of moments where you healed the sick and promise healing. Lord, bring these promises to pass as my son sleeps tonight. Strengthen and renew him as he sleeps so that he may be alert and strong for school tomorrow.
I pray. I think many parents will when we are alone and faced with difficult moments. The most important thing is to tell ourselves we can do this. We are more than able, especially when we place our trust in the Lord, to enable us to be the best parents and caretakers of our children. I will go to sleep and be at peace because you created my son and every part of his being is in your hands.
#type1diabetes #juvenilediabetes #sickchild #prayingparent #powerofprayingparent #healing #t1d