IT'S NOT EASY

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

Today was one of those days where you find yourself pushing against the wall and not getting much further than your own reality. Today's journey took me through the motions with my feet, feeling heavy as if I dragged cement blocks inside my sneakers. By the time I was home, exhaustion overtook me emotionally and physically, and I didn't even have the desire to start dinner.

Yes, it was one of those days. Maybe you've had one? Maybe if you're like me, with one amazingly special child who just seems to get sick every now and then, then you just might know just how tired I am- yet I barely did anything at all.

It was the constant calling from the nurses office that started things off on a negative note. Don't get me wrong, call me a billion times if my child's health is a concern. It's just, well, I wonder how truly trained and able today's nurses are. It's like some don't know what to do and no matter how much information you share to help them make your child's day a smooth one, even on sick days, well, it's like they either don't want to be bothered or have discovered the best way to handle things is to say, "Come get your child." And I get it! I'm an educator, working with families and children all day. I know where it comes from. 

But, I also know that I look for solutions, for ways to help the child feel comfortable until parents come for them. I know parents can't always leave work to pick up their children and because I know my own situation, I try to help parents through these hard times. So, where is the help for my son? for me? 

I found myself on the train station, waiting and waiting, under the heavy rain and cold winds. My heart pounded and ached because I couldn't control how fast the train arrived while I waited, knowing my son was feeling miserable.

It's not enough to carry the burden of trying to rush to be with your child, it's how the parent is sometimes treated and spoken to when they arrive. There are those that think sharing some kind of threat makes you run any faster to the school. Where has the compassion and the professionalism gone? Where are the professionals that take their oaths and their careers seriously enough to make a difference in the lives of those they serve?

Instead of seeing the despair, the exhaustion, and the hassle some parents endure when they go to pick up their ill children from the school, the school staff and nurses become cold and see someone whom in their eyes is failing, doing a bad job, "How could you send your child to school feeling this way?" attitude. I want to shout and say, "Hey! Be quiet! This is not my life today, no, not just today or right now! This is my everyday, every moment, don't get a break from it life!" And yes, if I were to keep my son home every time he's not feeling well, I'd be a stay at home mom, homeschooling, and never able to work so that I could provide for my son's needs, which include more than clothing and food, but medical supplies and medication that is not cheap. So, yes, some of us don't have the luxury of being in the PTA or staying home.

My journey is not easy. I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. 
I'm frustrated how this world keeps changing its priorities.
This world's viewpoints keep focusing on the wrong things as their focal points in importance, and they push aside, even wagging their finger in disapproval, at the things that are good, worthy of imitating, and believing in.

Exhaustion claims me and the bed seems a lofty paradise of clouds, calling me away to blissful sleep. The truth is, my day is not done. I've been taking care of my son without a pause. I still have to make sure his blood glucose levels are well enough to let him sleep, give him Lantus, and maybe later on around 11 pm or midnight, check to see if he need Novolog. I'll try to sleep and then wake up to start all over again. I'll still go to work and do my best not to share what's going on because I don't want others to just hear about my struggles. People around me have their own journeys as well. We all find ourselves in some kind of hard time, battle, receiving end of bad news, or just going through the motions. So, I usually don't share, unless I'm really pressed to share.

My journey.
Your journey.
Sometimes we say, "Oh, this is how it is. This is how I feel."
Other times we just, "Shhh....." and wait on the Lord.
Regardless,
we're on this journey and it's up to us to find some joy and strength through each step.

Lord,
I pray for my son's health tonight. Fill him with your healing touch and restore life to those areas in his body that struggle to work as they should. Lord, my son needs you so much. You are able to do great things in his body as he sleeps. Lord, I pray not only for my son, but for others, parents and their children, who are passing through the valley, walking through the darkness, dragging themselves in the midst of their exhaustion to serve, to help, to do what they can- Strengthen them. Bless them with joy in the midst of their pain and troubles. Send rains of healing and restoration into the homes that so desperately need you. The children need you, Lord, but dear God, the parents that are their non-stop, Lord, they need you, too.

Prepare our feet and our hearts, our minds and our bodies,
for tomorrow's journey.....
In Jesus Name, I pray, Amen.

BE.....

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

As the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic, there are many things I wonder about daily. When you see your child not doing or feeling well, as a Christian, we immediately turn our thoughts to the Lord. I had no prayer in me, except one word, Be. In my heart I was telling God to be who He is, Who I know He's been in my life before, and Who the Bible declares Him to be.

Be...

I reminded the Lord who He says He is in His Word. And I asked Him to rise up and Be....

Be Elohim, 
You are the Creator.
Create, O Lord, what is needed for healing to take place in my son and in the bodies of my loved ones.

Be El Roi,
You are the God who sees me.
See what our families go through each day and come to their rescue. Let your healing go forth. See each need.

Be El Shadday,
You are God Almighty!
Rise in our midst and speak the words that will bring healing and deliverance.

Be El Olam,
You are everlasting and eternal.
There is no shadow of changing in you. You are the same yesterday, today and forever. Your promises remain true.

Be Yahweh Yireh,
You are my provider.
When I don't have the means to provide what my children need, Lord, you do. You are their healer. You provide for all their needs.

Be Adonay,
You are Lord and Master in my home. I know sometimes I do my own thing and forget to acknowledge you, but Lord, you are truly Lord and God in my heart. Help me never to forget that.

Be Yahweh Rophe,
You are the Lord who heals.
Move in our midst. Visit my home, my family, and my friends who are sick, who have physical conditions where they cannot live without daily doses of medication, medical supplies or medical procedures. You are the Lord who died on the cross to provide healing. Oh, that you would touch my children as they sleep.

Be Yahweh Shalom,
You are the Lord of Peace.
Come and bring peace into our minds, into our bodies, and into our lives. We cannot live without your presence. You are peace.

Be Yahweh Tsuri,
You are The Lord, My Rock.
I cling to you. I run to You. I hold on to you for you are my strength and my hope is always in you.

Be Yahweh Roi,
You are My Shepherd. 
My children, and my family, we are your sheep. Lead us. Protect us. Be our shelter. Keep us under your shadow.

Be El Chay,
You are My Living God.
You are not dead, fiction, or my uneducated and needy mind making you up for the benefit of being calm and at peace. You are alive and living in our hearts. Come alive, Be alive, Live completely in me, in my children, in my family, and in my friends. Let them, let us, see your glory.

Be Abba,
You are My Father, My Heavenly Father.
You are Abba. Abba, we need you.
We thirst and hunger for your presence in our lives.
We long for your Word to be fulfilled and accomplished in our bodies, in our minds, in our hearts, in our marriages, in our finances, and every area of our lives.
We climb up on to your lap and lean upon your chest, with our heavy minds against your heart, hearing your heartbeat and crying out to you, "Abba, take care of us. We have no one else to turn to."

So, there you have it. Just some of the Names of God I reminded Him I needed Him to be in my life, in my home, in my family, in your family, in your home, and in your life.

Be.
Lord,
You know what I need you to be tonight, daily, always.
Be more than enough,
You are more than enough to me.
My Friend,
My Refuge and Shield,
Deliverer,
Be,
Be my everything.
Just Be.....

COLLAPSING ON THE GROUND

We went out for breakfast to get ready for the game.

I can take time to share all the things that happened this last football game, but instead, I want to focus on something I've never gone through before. As much as I felt I was prepared on Saturday, I truly was not. It is only by God's greatness that my family and I were able to calmly deal with the things that took place in mere seconds.

One of the things I concentrate on before any game (or going out) is making sure my son, Jacob's blood glucose is not high, and that he has eaten a small meal, and that his bag is packed with all the things a Type 1 Diabetic needs for a day's outing. So, you see, I felt sort of confident he was going to be fine for this game. But, it was a very big game, filled with stress and unexpected emotions. 

Jacob was out there doing his thing. Jacob played like a warrior and continued to give his all without a moment to stop. I guess he was so lost in the game that it wasn't until he realized his legs were giving out on him that he walked off the field, zombie like, (I immediately knew what was happening). He just looked at me, "Juice." he said, "Get the juice." 

Jacob, minutes before the game, NFL Pink for a special co-worker, survivor.

As we immediately ran to get his bag and give him his juice, he became wobbly. He swallowed his juice and still his sugar wouldn't rise. Without warning, my precious warrior collapsed on to the ground, without strength, unable to do anything. My strong, powerful son laid like a ragged doll and my mind, for a few seconds, saw myself in my past, going through this with my brothers.  It didn't matter who saw me. I laid my hands on him and began to pray. I prayed with all my heart, immediately thinking on what my younger brothers have gone through in the past with low blood sugars and convulsions, even falling into a coma. I knew God never fails and this was not my son's destiny.

Everyone came to see how he was doing and although they thought of placing him back to play, they realized he was out. I decided he would sit out the rest of the night. As I prayed, he arose and said, "Mom, I'm going back in." Determined and full of faith, my son got up and began to pump himself up. I began to praise the Lord for His mighty power! 

My prayers intensified during the game.  I began to pray and ask the Lord to send angels into the field and protect our team, to be a strong arms that held my son up. Jacob tells me that when he went back into the field,  he felt a strong mighty wind push and blow upon his team. God was letting him know that He shows up, even for football.

 

I can tell you his team continued to play with heart, even more during the last half of the game. But, it was watching my son's passion that brought tears to my eyes as I cheered him on from my cold place in the fan's side. I envisioned the Lord's love all around my son, sheltering and empowering him until the end.

It was horrible to see my son collapse on the ground. I relieved for a few seconds the painful memories of seeing my own brothers, especially my younger one, in what seemed a battle for their lives. Yes, at the moment, for a few seconds, you think, "Oh my Lord, is my son going to die here?" And then that soft voice whispers, "Really? Have you forgotten who is with you?" It is there that instead of thinking on the emergency and the situation, that we need to pray for wisdom and guidance. It is then that we prove our faith by calling on the name of Jesus. It is then that we surrender our cares and our children into His arms and remind Him of His promises!

I saw my son fall unto the ground as if in slow motion, as the voices of those cheering through the game were loudly filling the field. But in that celebrated chaos, God met us. We felt His presence and once more, T1D didn't win in my son's life, God's Victory did!

Do you find yourself collapsing under the pressure of life? Are you battling with a physical condition and feel like this is the end? I don't know God's plan for you, but I know that if you trust Him, He will not let you down. Call upon the Name of the Lord and wait upon Him. He still raises the dead and lifts the ones ready to fall into death, out of darkness and up to do battle on the field again. Be blessed and be strong. God is with you. 

 Awesome song and declaration of healing!