One of the bedroom doors squeak open and
light runs into my bedroom. A dark shadow approaches and I know it is not the
boogie man, but my son, Jacob. He climbs up and begins to burrow himself into a space on the bed. “I don’t feel well, mom.” I see
his discomfort and I rise from bed and become Dr. Mom.
The routine questions begin.
“Did you check your sugar?” I ask.
“No.” he answers, like a puppy circling his
spot on the bed. “So, let’s check it…
What are you feeling?” I continue to question
as I walk away to get his meter bag.
“I just feel sick. My chest hurts and my
head.”
I don’t know what to think. Is he just tired
and sleepy? Is he really feeling horrible? I check his numbers and find they
are only slightly high.
“OK, enter the numbers into your pump now.” I
tell him as I walk away to get some cold water for him.
Then he hits me with the newsflash.
“Oh, it came out before. Remember?”
“Your pump came out? No. When did it come out?” Now I’m sort of
upset.
“Oh, that’s right. I told Dad, not you. Yeah.
It came out before and I forgot to tell you.” He looks away. I must have that Evil Mom look starting right about.....NOW ! ! (Keep calm girl)
Honestly, inside I think I cursed in my head because I
hate it when the pump comes out.
I guess the pump being off is the reason for
him feeling crappy. Sugar is slowly rising. I visit the supply drawers and take
out what I need to prepare to place the pump back in. I take out the insulin
and am soon ready.
I go into Jacob’s room and tell him I’m placing the pump on. My son has ever given me a hard time when it comes to putting on the pump. There's always a first time.
Tonight, out of all nights, he decides to
fight on the subject of putting the pump on tomorrow because it’s so late. He
gives me a super hard time. Grabbing his pillows, he covers himself and refuses
to let me prep the site. Although I remain somewhat quiet, my insides say, “AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!”
By now I am frustrated, but I stay there,
waiting and explaining this must be done. I choose not to lose my cool. I
get up and go to the living room. I think about dancing and ice cream.
Right now I am the mother he wishes would go away because I must put this needle. He asks me to give him Lantus instead
and leave the pump for morning. My problem is that lately, even with the Lantus,
his sugar levels in the morning and throughout the day remain in the 200s. I
know the pump will be more effective in maintaining levels down. So, I know all
I can do is pray for wisdom. Best to remain quiet. This is not easy for him at this late hour.
A few seconds later.... “Sorry, mom. You can put it on.
Sorry I lost my cool.” My son walks into the living room to join me and as he
sits by my side, placing his hand upon mine and reassuring me of his love and
his apology. With a heavy heart, I place
a new site on him and then put the numbers into the pump. We walk into this
room and I tuck him in. I am sorry son that I have to do this to you but I don’t
have a choice. I’d rather do this over and over in order to extend your life
and make it a healthy one, than to carry you into an early grave. I am sorry
that sometimes you see me as the Evil Queen in Sleeping Beauty, turning into a
horrible dragon because I won’t back down sometimes. But now you can sleep without worries because I know you are being taken care of.
Jacob’s small flashlight is turned off. I
walk away quietly and close the door behind me. Sleep and tiredness have
finally overcome me. I am sad because I had to pierce his skin at such a late
hour. I am also relieved and pleased. I am confident that as he sleeps, his
sugar levels will be stable. The Evil Queen can go to sleep and hopefully wake
up looking more like a princess. Sleep well dear son. I love you.
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