SPEAK LIFE

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

It is easy to lash out when someone curses you, starts with you for no reason, or you find yourself in danger and need to defend yourself. Often, we find ourselves at home with our loved ones and words can also fly around like darts, poisonous darts that don't aim for the walls, the bathroom or the garden, but go straight to the heart.

It is here where I find myself meditating today. For those of us who have a loved one, a child or friend with Type 1 Diabetes, it is safe to say that many times, depending on how they're feeling, their tempers and their behaviors can sometimes come out a bit strong. I learned early on that this too can be a sign that something is wrong. Many people tend to start going into argument mode, (I'm guilty and have done it) instead of taking a moment to recognize what can perhaps be the warning signs of high blood sugar, a low blood sugar or the child/person just not feeling well.

 

As a mother, I see the great many changes in my son. He's turning into a teenager, growing up and getting taller each day. He is blooming into an amazing young man with such a precious heart, thoughtful and giving. Yet, there have been times where I've failed to notice that maybe he wasn't feeling at one hundred percent and when I spoke to him, I could've used different words to keep him calm or make the situation better.

This takes me to the phrase, "Speak Life". I have been seeing the Lord speak that very phrase into my own life these past few days. I sense the Lord inviting me to change my words, think before I speak, be quick to forgive, and quick to look at the heart inside the person before I say a word.

 

Speak Life....
Instead of complaining and sharing the negative we see, I believe the Lord wants us to declare those things that are positive, that lift people up and transform the ugliest atmosphere into a peaceful one. 

If it is true that in our tongue we have the power of life and death, then we walk around as either time bombs or vessels of life giving water. Wherever I go, I have the potential to speak death, speak poison and venom, or speak life, speak healing, speak deliverance and speak joy! 

Motherhood is not something we walk into with a manual. It's hands on and we learn as we go. As the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic, it is my calling to speak life, speak positively into his heart and into his mind. God calls me as his mom to encourage, to fill with greatness, and to inspire for great works.

 

It is my responsibility before the Lord to speak words that remind my son that God is his healer, his comforter and the One that restores him. You and I as parents have been called to do more than just learn how to check blood glucose levels, and put on a pump. We are called to make sure our children know they are special, amazing, loved, and have an awesome purpose in this world. 

It is our job to tell them, "I know you feel like crap this morning, but you are strong because God is your strength. Let's work together to stabilize your glucose levels. Let's pray when you're feeling depressed or angry. Come, God's word says you are not alone, He is with you like a Mighty Giant at your side."

Today, I am listening to the Lord's whisper that tells me to "Speak Life" not only into my son's life, but into my children, my marriage, my parents, my workplace, and every area of my life. I pray you also will find a moment today to decide what you will do with the power in your tongue. As for me, I will speak Life. As for me, I will build up my family. As for me and  my house, we will serve the Lord.
In my home, there will be LIFE! 

 

BEING A BETTER MOM

                                                                                                       By Angeline M Duran Santiago

For those who don't usually follow my blogs, I am the parent of an amazing young man who has Type 1 Diabetes. His battle is real. His struggles are many. My parents have recently joined me, walking with me and my son, to do what should be done in order to make him succeed in school and feel great physically. 

So, what's the big deal that I chose to write about this now? The truth is that many times I have felt so overwhelmed and frustrated. He has this amazing brain. His thinking is amazing and he is so smart and I see his grades go up and down when he is absent from school. I feel so angry when I reach out to Pediatric Endocrinologist who can't fit me into their schedule for an appointment or a follow up. 

My insides turn upside down when I don't see the caring and nurturing heart in the persons that take care of my son daily. I see people like those in the schools and the hospitals who just want to pass him over to the next hands and not truly learn how to take care of him. People see high glucose levels and it's easier for them to send him home than to give him time after he has given himself insulin, to get the levels down. 

It angers me to go to doctors who charge you for everything from the chair you sit in to the few minutes they took to actually look at you as you talk, but they have no ideas, no thoughts or plans on how to best advise me as a parent. It's the same "blah, blah, blah" I've heard before. But, the moment something goes wrong, it's my fault.

Recently, I have gone through moments where I've been so angry at my son's high glucose levels that I've come out at him and blamed him for not doing better as far as managing the T1D. I've been fast to accuse and slow to listen. I've been too tired at times to listen and I've wanted the quick fix of just getting his sugars down and making sure he would go to school the next day. To know he will be absent again, makes me feel like I've failed. Being an educator for so many years, I see other parents able to celebrate their child's educational success but I have to see my son, whom I consider brilliant, struggle to prove he can do better.

He goes to the hospital or stays home very ill but he is still expected and required to complete classwork (as if he was in school and heard the lesson) and homework (which would have been the review for what he would have listened to had he been in class.) There are some who extend mercy and give him time to complete assignments, but, what do we do when he just wasn't present to learn the materials? Why is he still held up to the same standard as the students who were in the classroom, listening and participating to the instruction?

And so, I began to push my son to go to school even if he wasn't feeling a hundred percent. I spoke harshly and even said he might not be speaking the truth to me just to stay home. I began to feel like a bad parent because I couldn't get him to feel better no matter what doctor I took him to. I have felt such a failure. 

Instead of a place of healing, my home has at times been a place of back and forth arguments, accusations and hurtful words. When, Lord, did this get so crazy?

Last night at Bible Study, I walked in to listen to the minister talking about parenting. To think just moments before, all hell had broken lose in my home because once more I was angry at how my son was not doing his best to take care of himself and he was sick again. It was with these verses  on the screen, that I had my own time with the Lord. The minister didn't attract my attention or make me want to listen, but the scripture on the screen spoke out loudly!

My job is not to discourage or make my children bitter but to seek God's wisdom and direction before I speak. If I was to just wait a few moments before I act and answer, God in me can change the way everything reacts in a moment of anger. If I can see myself as Holy Spirit in my home, working all things out, my response and reaction will be different. 

So, after the Bible Study, I went home with an agenda. No matter how many years we may lay claim to be a Christian, we still learn if we are open to instruction. I believe the Scriptures last night were clearly reminding me that I am a teacher even in my home and that God expects me to keep my calm and cool at home when situations occur just like I do at work. Love.

Love was the one thing that I remember the minister saying. You start out by loving one another as a married couple and you create this amazing baby with love and you raise this wonderful gift with love. 

Lord, forgive me for not being better at understanding the changes my son is going through with T1D. Help me to be the help and the listening ear he needs in this time of his life. Change my heart to be a blessing to him. Use my life to speak life into his life and that he can see how real you are. Lord, help me to seek your presence and your will when things get heated and crazy in my home or in our lives. I know that there is victory when we turn it all to you.

I recognize I fall short of what you have called me to be. I need you to show me how to be a better mom when it comes to communication and just loving my kids the way you have loved me. And, Lord, teach me to pray and believe that you are His healer. I will continue to pray for my son's healing in Jesus Name. Amen.

#T1D #typeonediabetes #diabeticchild #diabeticteen #diabeticandchristian #angieduran #diabeticparenting #diabetesfamily #typeoneteen #typeonenation #christiananddiabeticchild

WHEN DOES IT END?

I hear the old man saying, "Step right up ladies and gentlemen! Who is strong enough to hit this with the hammer and make that bell all the way on the top ring, ring, ring! Yes, ladies and gents, who will make some lucky lady smile by hitting this so hard and winning this amazing teddy bear for their lovely lady on this sun smiling afternoon?" And he looks at all the men, young and old, challenging their manhood, regardless of their health, looking them straight in the eyes, "What about you, Sir, care to see if this is your lucky day? Don't want the lady to think you can't make it even half way now? Only $ 2.00, sir. Two tries gets the prize!"

The crowd gathers and everyone looks at you, wondering....
You're wondering....
Am I strong enough?
Am I able to even hit it?
Can I do this and will I look like a big fool if I can't even hold this huge hammer?
The challenge to prove yourself if tremendous and your heart beats a million beats per second.

And, yup, that's how I feel on most days.
Not just for me.
I sort of feel that's how my son, Jacob must feel on most days.
Some mornings he's up and ready to go and others, man, to say it bluntly, he feels all crappy and shitty and just not in the mood to hear this guy at the fair. I think if this guy were to show up at our home on some mornings, he'd get shown to the door with the teddy bear and the hammer wrapped around his arms.

When does it end?
As a teen who had already lived most of his life with Type1Diabetes, the struggle doesn't get better or easier. Having people say, "Oh, he's not little anymore." doesn't mean anything. So what?!!!! I want to tell people. Are you in my home? Are you in his body? Do you even know what some or most morning in my house are like? Can you even begin to imagine what some afternoons are like while he waits for me to get home from work?

You see, unless you wear my same size shoes, similar size or have walked through the fair of life in the past where this old man calls out to you and challenges you, you just won't know that sometimes you get fed up, you get frustrated and the only thing that goes up and makes that bell ring is your anger, your tiredness, your moments of frustrations and the times when you cry out to God, because in all reality, He's the only one that can truly know the cry of your heart.

Type1Diabetes or saying you have it is not the same as saying, "Can I look at your Pandora bracelet?" You don't wear it like a fashion statement. For some it may not be a severe condition, but it is for many. For teens, for children in school, for young adults in education it means pushing themselves to go to school when your body says to stay in bed. T1D means many sick days stuck in the nurse's office with, and I am sorry to say it like it is, with unskilled and not very well equipped school nurses who much rather call parents to pick up their kids or call 911. Kids with T1D end up in Summer School when they don't need it, just because they didn't have enough work in their folders but oh, yes, the teacher says, "They're so smart, but you know, we didn't have enough work to prove it because they spent so much time in the nurse's office."

We treat these kids like they're a bother and then penalize them when they don't meet our standards. We expect them to do what all the other kids do but are not willing to go out of our way for them because, oh yes, teachers have one hundred other kids. Yet, we expect the kids to go out of their way even though they are sick, dealing with high or low blood sugars and have a boxload of class and homework piling up to do at home on their own without the assistance or the examples of a teacher who will talk and show them what to do. Hmmm, something wrong with this picture.

The old man at the fair calls out to me as a mom and asks me to take a try at hitting the metal to see if I reach the bell. Hey, I did that already! Can't you see that everyday I am on speed dial, on super fast? Every day I am trying to do something better for my son, buy the moment I don't answer my phone fast enough, you want to call 911.

When does it end?
It doesn't.
So, what do we do?
We take this huge situation that is bigger than us and we run with it to the cross of our Lord, Jesus. Why do I say this? Because if I don't, then I will go crazy! If I don't turn over this moment to the Lord, I will feel like I am breaking apart. We take our child and we carry him or her up to our Heavenly Father and say, "Lord, I can't anymore! You can! Teach me. Show me. Guide me. Help me. Lead me. Speak to me. Make a way. Calm me."

And we pray for our child.
"Heal my child."
We stand believing that the price Jesus paid on Calvary is not in vain. There is and there has to be power in the blood and in the name of Jesus. Otherwise, I would have lost my cool, my mind and my sanity a long time ago.

Please do not give up when you see the challenge to give up come your way. Give it to Jesus. He will make a way!

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

HE'S MY BROTHER

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

Tears streamed down my face as I looked out into the field and saw them shivering as the strong winds whipped around them. My heart ached and broke as I saw the condition of each player and yet, there was a shout of encouragement, pushing one another, in the midst of the storm. Countless times I went up to my son and yelled out at him, "I want to take you home!" He'd look at me with his serious look, shivering, and said, "Mom, I'm staying til the end." Turning his face back away he called on his teammates to create a huddle, not around himself, but around one of the players shivering, as he says, more than him. He danced, he jumped and he cried out, but he refused to go. "Mom, we stay together until it's over."

His name to go in was not called in the first part of the game. "Why are we even here, Lord?" I questioned my own sanity at giving in to being here. I'd given him Tylenol for a fever that was starting just before the game. Instead of being home like every other normal family, here we were, out in the open field, trying to stand still as the rains kept hitting upon us mercilessly. "Lord, have I failed you tonight? Have I failed as the mom you created me to be? Forgive me." I cried out alone in that field as I saw it open up it's mouth to beg for more rain. 

I looked out into the sky and the winds seemed to create swirls that danced around the lights for a moment, but then they returned to angry darts of water, as if angry and saying, "How dare you be out here in my parade? Don't you know I am the storm, the hurricane, the mighty wind?" And so, as the winds got stronger, I allowed my heart to cry out to the Lord. After all, I was alone and no one could see me. So, I stood near the boys and decided to join them. Yes, I too, would stand with my brothers.

The game ended and my soul felt nothing but sadness. The few parents present were disappointed that we lost. I didn't care that we lost. I worried of the oncoming physical trauma that would begin now that we could go home. My son took about a half hour in the car just to be able to remove his wet clothes off of his body. "I can't feel my hands or my feet." he cried. Why had I allowed this? It was then I spoke. "I'm not doing this ever again. I don't care if you hate me but I will not allow you to ever play under this kind of weather ever again." And then, through the pain, through the feeling of burning skin as he described it and through rattling teeth he, my son, responded.

"But they are my brothers. I have to be there for them. I have to, mom."
"How can you say that? You are brothers out in the field but afterwards, you are back to your real life and they go to theirs."
"No, mom. We all say the same thing. We have to stay together and help one another no matter what. You can't tell me not to be there for them because you didn't see what I had to do." (He thinks I didn't see, so I let him tell me.) "Mom, I saw them shivering and I told the guys, let's make a huddle around him so we can keep him warm. Then I said, let's move like this to keep warm. And then, when he fell I couldn't leave him on the floor. I had to help him, Mom. I wish I could have done more."

The boy on the floor is one of my son's best friend. Walking to the parking lot he fell on the floor experiencing strong cramps. Jacob dropped his own bag, barely able to walk, reached out his hand to his friend on the floor and turned his body around to help his friend place himself on him and get up slowly. Then, he grabbed him and put him on his side, helping him walk, almost carrying him. A few moments later one of the coaches saw them and he came, released my son's grip, and took the player into his arms and carried him off quickly towards the bus. 

I don't think anyone realized just how my son was feeling and still he placed his friend first. Thank you for my son's heart, Lord.  My heart reached out to him. God sees, Jacob. God sees. 
The one who was hurt, who was hurting and feeling sick, not once took the time to look at his situation, his hurt or his needs. He only and continuously only saw the needs of his brothers. In the car all he said was, "If I am feeling like this, I wonder how this one or that one is." And we prayed, he prayed for them in his own way.

What do I take to heart from this? Well, I am not sure what you have inferred. Maybe that I stink as a mom for letting him play in the storm. But I'll tell you what I got from this. A lesson.

How many of us will hide from the storm? Many parents refused to be out in the field with their sons because the storm was upon them, fiercely. But, they had jackets on!!! Some people just take care of their own, but some people see the needs in others. One of the moms had an extra raincoat and got it for me and I was able to put it over the raincoat I had. I can tell you that I had four layers on and the water went through everything. I chose to be out in the field with my warrior son. I had to .

I learned through my son's speech that family has to stay together through the storms. Yes. The storm comes to flood the area so that we have to evacuate. The storm comes to cut through with sharp razors of raindrops hitting at your face, but while your brother is out in the field fighting to defend their side, you have to remain vigilant and ready for when your name is called to go in and continue the fight to claim your side. The storm leaves you in the dark, but there is always a light that shines through to keep you walking through. There's enough light to see what is going on and you can focus on the battle, your strategy plan and know your next move.

I learned from my son that family is not just during the game, but yes, indeed, even off the field as he says. Not, that I didn't see it that way before, it's just last night, I could understand him wanting to return with his team on the bus just because he wanted to be with them as they encouraged one another going home. I learned that his faith in God is stronger than I imagined. I learned that he is more fearless than I thought and he will draw strength from an unknown reserve and do for others before doing for himself.

And, I believe, this is what the Lord wants to see in us, his children, his family. Will I leave it all, the comfort of my warm bed and home and go out, tired and sick into the midst of the storm where there is nothing stopping the winds or the rain, just to make sure that my brother is ok?

Will I stay in the storm as it increases so that I can protect and stand with my brother as he endures, battles, fights, and makes it through- or will I run for cover and watch him fight and struggle from the sidelines or my shelter? 

Will I use my strength to cheer him on and encourage him? Will I pray and trust God as we wait it out, drenched in the rain, shivering, hurting- will I stay as the storm keeps coming down- on my brother?

Lord, help me to be there for my brother and my sister. Help me to stand with them even when it's hard and uncomfortable. Help me to be strong and the hands around my family and friends when they need me the most. Guide me and help me to be like my son, Jacob, to see the needs and to have heart that will not move until my brother is safe, my brother is ok, and my brother has been taken care of.

#queensfalconsny #queensfalconsfootball #jacobsfaith #mybrotherskeeper #family #togetherthroughthestorm
#queenfalcons #fearless #angieduran #diabetes #diabeticfootballplayer #prayer #courage

THE PUMP AND STAYING PUMPED UP!

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

Many, if not most, Type 1 Diabetics, can count their Medtronic or other name insulin pump as a blessing. Although it may not be fashionably comfortable, it is a great instrument to own and make a part of your lifestyle in order to better manage and control Type 1 Diabetes. But, if you're reading this and your a T1D, you already know this. So, I am not here to pump up the pump but pump you, the T1D up.

I'm here to tell you that I know that although what you have to go through each day is not easy, you still get up daily to go to work, to take care of your family and your home and you get up to go to school. I want to say that you are awesome, you are strong and amazing! There is no one like you. You are one of a kind. 

I want to say that I know at times you want to stay in bed, or not have to deal with the beeping of the pump when it is yelling at you to get up and check it. I know there are times you get upset when it comes off only minutes after you put it on and now you have to put it on, again. I know your fingers at times are hurting and you wish you could be like everyone else. 

But, I want to share something my son, 13 years old, said a few years ago. He said, "Mom, I thank God I have T1D." I was like, "WHAT????!!!!!" And he was like, "Yes, mom, without this maybe I would not care about what I eat and I would not want to be in sports. Having diabetes makes me see life as a challenge and I want to do the hard things." 

My ears couldn't believe these words, but then again, I knew that God's word of life and faith planted in his life from the beginning were helping him believe and understand that his purpose and destiny are still powerful and possible, regardless of what this life throws at him.

Are there times he has spoken differently? Absolutely. These have been hard times when I've gone before God and prayed for wisdom and guidance with a broken heart for my son and my brothers. Then I remember that I can either hold on to the hurtful words he shares or I can pump him up in the Lord and love on him will all my might.

I remind him and I remind you that you are so valuable in the eyes of the Lord. Your life has such great purpose. Don't give up and get tired of walking this road. Keep the pump at your side to keep you going but grab hold of God's Word and let it keep you pumped up with all those awesome promises in there for you.

Yes, you and my son have a pump and at times, it can be a burden. But, oh, a burden that keeps my son alive and with me for a million more years if possible. I thank God for the persons that created it because it can make life a little easier. But, the pump is not his source of life, it is the Lord who not only gave people the gift and knowledge to create the pump, but who lives to keep my son strong and doing well, really well. 

I guess that I just wanted to send you a big hello from here and remind you to stay hopeful and don't surrender. God loves you and He can and will make the difference in your life if you believe, invite Him into your life and let Him walk with you through the highs and lows in Type 1 Diabetes and the highs and lows of this life.

Prayer:

Lord, strengthen, encourage and fill every life that has #T1D. I still believe you are Healer. Heal my son and every person that is holding on to you and your word. Let your presence powerfully fill the homes of every person crying out to you today. Flood their lives. Invade their space with your presence and your love. Let joy keep them strong. I pray for you to fulfill your destiny and your will in their lives, in Jesus name. Amen.

#T1D #typeonediabetes #juvenilediabetes #diabetes #diabetic #prayforhealingfordiabetes #diabeticprayer #diabeticfaith #hope #Godheals #T1DChristian

DIABETES WITHOUT LIMITS

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

Talk to most people I know and you will meet with some of the most negative and fear filled people claiming to be positive and encouraging. I see leaders who speak loudly about doing the right things but they manipulate their own speeches and do things differently, using excuses to well, excuse their reason for what they had to do.

I see people who say they want to follow the rules but they will easily fall under pressure when the time comes. People are afraid of what they don't know. That's all I have to say. I see my son kept out of advancing in sports all because he's had a few highs or lows. The moment he needs to check his sugar or needs a juice, it's seen as an obstacle or a sign that he's not ready to move forward to a better place in the team. 

Don't we all get tired and need a water break? Don't we all have some kind of moment where we just need to take a minute? Then, why do we limit athletes who wholeheartedly and without reserve immerse themselves into a sport, not counting the cost or the limits placed on them by others, but pushing against the negative voices and doing twice the work just because they have to prove they have a right to be on the team like everyone else? I am convinced that fear keeps coaches from advancing team players like my son, with Type 1 Diabetes or another condition. Diabetes is not a handicap that disables a child with a passion to play. It doesn't remove their hands and legs or their heart to win.


Type 1 Diabetes has its moments where yes, a child may need to get their sugar checked, or get water, or need juice, but that doesn't mean they are disqualified for the position or unable to fulfill their duty on their team. 

No limits. No boundaries. I have taught my son that with God in our lives and our side we do not have to hold back and that we can dream big. Yes, even football. Coaches may not see it. I do. God does. God doesn't see the labels placed by men. God sees our desire to push through barriers and break down walls.

To my son, I tell you push through. I am cheering you on! Soar. You are awesome! You are great! You keep at it!

Type 1 Diabetes was not only defeated on the Cross of Jesus when he declared that by His stripes we were healed, but T1D is also defeated in our home. It is not a stop sign or a do not disturb sign in our family. It is not a place for limits or excuses. If anything, it is a challenge that is in our faces to believe God, trust God, and live life in a way that will show God can use us in our weakness, in our struggles, and in our hardships. 

There is nothing impossible for God. Encourage your child to continue in sports or the arts. Whatever your child dreams, don't allow coaches, teachers, mentors and others to try to convince them they cannot do great things in life. God says to declare, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" So, what are you going to do about it?

Lord, we trust you to help us achieve great things in our lives. Help us to support and be a blessing to our kids as they pursue their goals and aspirations in life. Help us be parents that share faith without fear when opposition shows up. Lead us and guide us so that we in turn can do for our children and help them to stand on their own two feet, trusting in the Lord and going forward with the vision in their heart, in Jesus Name, Amen.

PRAISING YOUR CHILD

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

There may be some of you that read the title I put on up here and you squirmed in your seat and said, "Oh, no, not another praise your child sermon when what today's kids really need is a big smack on their behind." 

So, nope, I'm not writing about patting them on the back and letting our kids do whatever they want, and nope, I am not saying we look the other way when they talk down to us, disrespecting and living like it's ok to grow up without manners and boundaries.

I am writing about praising your child for the right reason.

We should praise our kids when we know that we've spoken to them about something, that they keep forgetting to do or just won't do correctly,  at least one hundred and ten times and then suddenly, angelic voices fill the room and we find them doing the unexpected. In this piece I want to recognize my son, Jacob. I mean, I walk in and he'd doing homework. Wait. You didn't get that. I should be writing capitals all over the place, with sound effects like in the movie, "The Mask" with Jim Carey. My son is giving his all not just for football, but also classwork. 

It' s not easy getting our children to put their one hundred percent into hours of homework. Today's standards in school makes many kids feel as if they've failed way before high school has even begun. The way coaches treat their players it seems they've already determined the success story with being the kid who evens the team out. This world is full of messages to discourage and make you feel small.

But, as I walk in and see him doing great things, I praise him for remembering our talks. I praise him by saying, "I love to see what you're doing with your school work." I recognize that his bedroom looks pretty cool and that he has made an attempt to show me that he is taking better care of his responsibilities, especially in regards to the Type 1 Diabetes. 

I celebrate my son, as I hope you will do with your child as well, because I have to ask multiple times, "Do you have your homework? Do you have your glucose bag? Do you have your pump on? Did you check your sugar?" While all he may be hearing is, "Waaa Waaa Waaa Waaa" So, yes, I am clapping my hands and saying, "Whoo Hoo!" 

It's great to see him immersed in a math that I have no idea what the heck he's doing. And, oh my goodness, I must confess I feel such a relief when I ask him, "Hey, buddy, how's it going? Do you need my help with the homework?" (And inside I am like, NOOOOO, I don't know how to do this one!!!!!) Then, he says, "No, mom, thanks, I got this!" and I'm all like, "OK, sweetie, cause you know if you need my help, I'm right here for you, just let me know." But, I walk away and inside I am dancing and screaming, "YES!!!! He can do this on his own." But, then, I go and begin a google search on what he's doing for the moment of "just in case" he comes with a question. I will be like, "Oh sure, yes, let's sit down and look at it."

And, let me tell you, that's when faith really kicks in because if I didn't believe in miracles before, I will pray my heart out for one right then and there.

So, I'm proud of you my child. I am happy you are doing well and that you have remembered some of the things I have asked of you because they will bring you great success and victory. Place the Lord above all things in your life and He will always guide and bless you in all you do. I love you.

And, I pray, you will share with your child as well.

NOT ABANDONED

I not only take the time to write what's on my mind, I also take the time to read what other people have written. In reading what others share, I've come to read some of the most heartbreaking pieces. There are countless of things written about depression and many more on how people dealing with Type 1 Diabetes, and/or other sicknesses or physical conditions. My heart goes out to them because I have lived through many of the things they are living with daily, and even if I don't physically have those ailments, those I love and care for daily, are living with the reality of it all.

The one theme that seems to come out in most, if not all the writing, is how people and the young ones feel hopeless and abandoned. Their hearts share their pain, their burdens and their despair. You feel their anger, their cry and see their fists, closed and lifted up to heaven, blaming God.

Many times, I too, wondered where was my faith. I wanted to know why and how? I thought living right and doing right got me the good deal on life, but it's not that way. We live in a world that has lashed out against God and thus, has invited wickedness in as they pushed God out. We live in a contaminated planet that has carelessly dedicated itself to self destruction. It's not that God is powerless or doesn't care. Everything around us seems to be in self destruction mode and instead of seeking God's mercy, we become bitter. Instead of surrendering to His will and wait on His healing, we surrender to anger, to silence, to fading away in our pain.

You may feel abandoned in your depression and in your pain. You may feel abandoned each time you have to pierce your skin again and again to give yourself insulin. You may feel forsaken, each time you place that Asthma pump into your mouth and take deep breaths hoping your lungs accept the medication and open up your airways. You may feel forgotten and unloved, when sadness, loneliness and those dark moments cover you like a net and you can't break free.

My friend, I can tell you that in my discomfort, and through what I see daily, I refuse to believe God has abandoned me. I refuse to believe my son and my brothers, or anyone in my family that is sick, has been abandoned, forsaken and forgotten.

My son, in Jesus name, is part of God's healing plan. My brothers, my nephew, my mom, my daughter, my friends, you, you and you, we are all in the heart of God to receive our healing! I am looking into scriptures that remind me of God's promises. I'm learning to pray more and believe that what we bind on earth is bound in heaven and what we loosen on earth is loosed in heaven. I am learning to proclaim, "By His Stripes we were healed!" I am holding on to everything in the Bible about healing as true and real for my son and everyone connected to me.

CELEBRATING MY SON, JACOB!

September 21, 2002.

A great day to be born like so many others. God blessed me with one more child. He gave me a warrior that has a faith to trust in the Lord. God has given me a child that is full of love and laughter. God has blessed me with a child that has met life and death in the face and continued to press on when life gets hard. Tonight I remember waiting in the hospital for the doctor to take me away into surgery so that my son could be brought forth into the world. 

At 3 in the morning, my precious son, already fighting for his life, was led away into the ICU to be taken care of. Once more, as it was not allowed with my previous two children, I was not allowed to hold him or kiss him. Those images we see in movies were not made true for me. As he was taken away, after being given a quick glimpse of my baby boy, my heart disappeared into prayer, a reminder to God that he had promised to keep His Word and fulfill it in my life. I had no strength to cry so I just meditated on what was left of my waking moments, meditated on God's presence and released the child I could not run to in the hands of the One who could be by his side from his first breath.

 I am in awe of what an amazing young man, my son has become. Lord, I thank you for my son. Although at times I have asked you why and why again, I choose to thank you for his life. I thank you for his courage and his never ending strength. I thank you for his ability to endure through hardships. I praise you for his life and for his future! 

Lord, I thank you that my son has his inheritance in you. I thank you that his name is not Type One Diabetes, but Healed, Redeemed, Restored and Victorious. Lord, I praise you because you make all things new and even when my eyes do not see what you are doing in him, in his body and in his heart, your hand is at work in him, doing great and mightily on his behalf.

There is nothing impossible with or for God. Every promise that is written in God's word is written upon my son, Jacob. God has already destined his success and his ability to soar high above the storms that may come. I love my son and am so proud of him. My football player, my joker always putting his arms around me, hugging me, loving me and telling me, "Mom, I love you!" What gift could be more precious than than? There is nothing more perfect than the gift of a child from the Lord and I am blessed!

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GOING AWAY TO CAMP

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

Planning.
Preparing.
Almost ready.
No.
Lord, I don't feel he's ready, but I'm letting go.
"Letting go?" I feel the Lord is asking.
And I reply.
"I'm going to trust You. I'm laying my son before You, in Your hands.
No, Lord, not just in Your hands but in Your embrace.
Can you keep him close to Your heart?"

Surrender.
Tonight I finish packing my son's belongings.
He'll head out to Football Camp first thing tomorrow morning.
Most kids just pack their clothes, toiletries and bedding.
Jacob's bags will be different.
He'll have a lot of extra stuff.
Diabetes supplies by the dozen, for at least two weeks, although he'll be gone for one.
Extra of everything, from Insulin to syringes and test strips.
Snacks. I'll make sure he has snacks, juices, and those small chewables for when his sugar drops.

Intense.
Jacob's workout is intense.
I watched him yesterday running and jogging and then running again, for at least ten minutes.
The exercises are long, repetitive and at times so hard.
He presses through.
His sugar may drop and he'll step away from his team to take care of it but then he immediately returns when he's allowed to rejoin his teammates. He becomes anxious having to wait it off until his sugar is at a good number, like he calls it.

Thinking.
I am here with a million thoughts in my mind and I wish, if just for a moment, that things were so different. He has so many dreams and I think his Coaches are afraid he can't make it as an athlete. Leagues focus on selecting their main players and their whole year centers around them. I'm so glad that the Lord God is not that way. He doesn't make anyone more special or more valuable than others. He reaches for all. He gives to all. God celebrates our achievements and joins with us as we dream.

Tonight I will finish packing but as I pack, I will pray a little more than I prayed before.

"You are not alone."
Did you hear that, Jacob? I spoke it as I packed and the words fell upon your clothes.
"God is there with you."
Do you know that, Jacob? I'm speaking it into your life although you're in another room.

I will trust in the One who made you.
(But Type One Diabetes is here.)
No, my son, He made you perfect. 

Remember all that we have spoken, all that I've tried to teach you and all that you say you know. 
You can do this. You will have fun. You will be alright.

Lord,
before he was my son, he was yours.
Before I knew his hurts, You had promised to take care of every tear.
Lord,
Before I attempted to let go and trust completely in You,
You had already shown me to trust because You also surrendered Your Son, for me, for Jacob.

Holy Spirit,
Never leave his side.
Be the voice that awakens him when needed through the night,
Be the Guide that makes him search for help and direction,
Be the Help if he doesn't know what to do.

The Football player in the family is ready.
He is motivated, psyched up, pumped up and ready to fly.
"Go, Jacob! Run! Soar! Fly!"

Type One Diabetes I grant you permission to pass away into the sea of forgetfulness, permanently. I give you permission to fall upon the ground like a dead man so that you can be buried and gone. I remind you that Jesus Christ not only died on the cross for our sins, but also for every sickness, for every fear, every disease and every physical and emotional complication this world may bring our way. I speak into my son's body and remind it to believe in God's promises, to hold on to God's blessings and to embrace God's provision. I speak into my son's life and speak Life, Strength, Courage, Boldness, Healing, Empowerment, Ability, Discernment and Success!

Soar, my son. Do what you're good at. Succeed. Excel. Triumph on that field.
I celebrate your victories and I rejoice with you.
Thank you, Lord.
Thank you that you are my Confidence and Hope.
You keep my head up when it wants to fall down.
You keep me going forward when my spirit is faint.
I bless and praise Your name.
I know You will be with my son, In Jesus Name, I place all my hope and trust in You. Amen.

PRAYER FOR OUR CHILDREN

Dear Lord,

I come before you today, and while so many other parents are focussed on other important things, I chose to believe that praying for my son, praying for my children outweighs everything else.

Lord, my son needs you. You are his healer. You restore and renew- yes, make all things new. You are his deliverer and the one that gives him victory. 

Dear God, my children need you. You know the requests of their hearts. You know their moments of feeling anxious and sad. You understand their needs and their wants. Lord, who else can I surrender my children to, but to you?

You are the God of mercy and compassion, the God who sees and hears our prayers.
Restore what the enemy has stolen- Return it a hundred times over according to your promises.
Restore health where it is failing, where it is being a burden, and where it creates a daily struggle. No child should know sickness or disease or any condition that keeps their mind on how to prevent or manage the condition instead of how to rollerskate better or be a better football player. 

The devil is a liar!

He has no place and no authority in the lives of my children.
He has no voice and my children's ears and hearts will not entertain his message, his voice and his lies. Cover my kids under your mighty shadow. Let them always find refuge in Your Presence.

Guide them and help them to make great choices, not just good ones, but the best ones. Remove doubt and fear. The spirit of  fear has no place in their conversations or thoughts. Give them peace. Lead their steps. Show up where they are and show them the path that leads to you. Let them always see you when they make the wrong choices and let them always know that in the midst of their mistakes, they can always run to you. You forgive. Let them know your loving kindness.

Show yourself strong and powerful in their midst. Let their faith be ignited in this ever compromising and changing world. Let their hope in you be strengthened and made sure. Let their understanding of Scripture be directed from your heart. Holy Spirit, speak to them as they go to work or school, as they wait for the train or sleep. Be with them even as they rest.

Be their shield and their protector. Hide them in times of trouble. Make a way of escape when there is none. Show yourself strong and let your Word come alive in their hearts. 

Give them a hunger and thirst for your Word, for your presence, and for righteousness.

This is my prayer, Lord. I ask you to have your way in my children in Jesus precious name. Amen.

Angeline M Duran Santiago

WHEN DOES IT END?

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

As I write these words, and most likely sound like I'm venting, I am completely aware that there are other families right now, going through much painful situations. I also acknowledge, that while my son has had one of his worst weeks, there are children in the hospital and there are families that right now sit or stand by a loved one's bedside, listening to tragic news and waiting. Some wait for their loved one to get better, and others embrace to comfort one another's pain at receiving the most difficult news.

This week, I truly wondered if it was even worth going to work. No matter what I've done, or anyone at home did, to help my son's physical condition improve, it seemed he was better for a few minutes and then back to some kind of virus by the night time. I have even wondered if this apartment has something to do with him feeling so sick all the time. I take him to the doctor and they'll say, "It's a viral infection. Take him home for two days. Liquids, Motrin and he will be better soon." But, I feel like my son has had some kind of Viral infection all year. I think he wins the prize this year for most absences and being picked up from school. He went in to take the state exams and couldn't even complete it. 

So, yes, to some degree I am frustrated and I guess we have the permission to get upset. Have I prayed enough? Did I pray correctly? As a parent, that is a believer, all these thoughts come into our minds. What can I do differently? Have I not encouraged him enough? Have I taught him to prevail, push through and never give up even when it gets hard? 

Today, at work, I have questioned my ways as a parent. I have taken a memory walk through my days as a mom and I've seen the times I think I've done well, (or at least I hope so), to so many times when I wish I could have done things differently, better, or do them over. Oh, that do over might be so true for so many parents. I know I can't go back in time, but I ask the Lord to help me be the best my kids can have in a parent each day. Still, I want to see a change in my son. Is this what it will always be like with Type 1 Diabetes? 

My thoughts have taken me to look at Diabetes camps. Maybe instead of Football, he needs to go away and be with other kids like him and learn what I can't get him to learn? I looked at scholarships and ways certain groups fund and help families send their child to Diabetic camps. This is something I will research more and hopefully he is now ready to go, learn and receive what he needs.

So, when does it end?

The waiting.....

I thought of erasing every word on this page and starting all over again. Then, I realized that sometimes I only have this page to pour out what I feel and think.  So, I'm waiting to see the change in my son's health, his life, and as I wait I hear my mom saying, "Angie, remember, they that wait on the Lord, like the eagle, remember the eagle, remember the wings, new strength, soaring up."

As I write, I am reminded that my wait is not in vain. I believe God will do awesome things in my son's body. I will see it! I will give God all the glory and praise from today, until my last days.

I guess, it ends....well, we never know, right?
But, for right now, Lord, I can't complain because I can't even begin to feel what my son feels. I pray you meet his needs, be His Champion and raise him up to feel great and do great things in his life. Lord, lead me to a better doctor, to better medical care, to whatever my son needs, lead me. Guide me to see his needs and why or how he just doesn't get better. Lead me in helping him stay in school. Strengthen and heal my son in Jesus name. Lord, touch my son's body. Restore every organ in his body that refuses to work the way it should. Renew every area in his body and every organ in his body that needs to be made new. Lord, give us as a family the wisdom we need to be smarter, wiser, better listeners, stronger in our faith, and better at looking for ways to help my son. Provide for all his needs, Lord. I believe!
Thank you, Lord. Amen.