WHEN DOES IT END?

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

As I write these words, and most likely sound like I'm venting, I am completely aware that there are other families right now, going through much painful situations. I also acknowledge, that while my son has had one of his worst weeks, there are children in the hospital and there are families that right now sit or stand by a loved one's bedside, listening to tragic news and waiting. Some wait for their loved one to get better, and others embrace to comfort one another's pain at receiving the most difficult news.

This week, I truly wondered if it was even worth going to work. No matter what I've done, or anyone at home did, to help my son's physical condition improve, it seemed he was better for a few minutes and then back to some kind of virus by the night time. I have even wondered if this apartment has something to do with him feeling so sick all the time. I take him to the doctor and they'll say, "It's a viral infection. Take him home for two days. Liquids, Motrin and he will be better soon." But, I feel like my son has had some kind of Viral infection all year. I think he wins the prize this year for most absences and being picked up from school. He went in to take the state exams and couldn't even complete it. 

So, yes, to some degree I am frustrated and I guess we have the permission to get upset. Have I prayed enough? Did I pray correctly? As a parent, that is a believer, all these thoughts come into our minds. What can I do differently? Have I not encouraged him enough? Have I taught him to prevail, push through and never give up even when it gets hard? 

Today, at work, I have questioned my ways as a parent. I have taken a memory walk through my days as a mom and I've seen the times I think I've done well, (or at least I hope so), to so many times when I wish I could have done things differently, better, or do them over. Oh, that do over might be so true for so many parents. I know I can't go back in time, but I ask the Lord to help me be the best my kids can have in a parent each day. Still, I want to see a change in my son. Is this what it will always be like with Type 1 Diabetes? 

My thoughts have taken me to look at Diabetes camps. Maybe instead of Football, he needs to go away and be with other kids like him and learn what I can't get him to learn? I looked at scholarships and ways certain groups fund and help families send their child to Diabetic camps. This is something I will research more and hopefully he is now ready to go, learn and receive what he needs.

So, when does it end?

The waiting.....

I thought of erasing every word on this page and starting all over again. Then, I realized that sometimes I only have this page to pour out what I feel and think.  So, I'm waiting to see the change in my son's health, his life, and as I wait I hear my mom saying, "Angie, remember, they that wait on the Lord, like the eagle, remember the eagle, remember the wings, new strength, soaring up."

As I write, I am reminded that my wait is not in vain. I believe God will do awesome things in my son's body. I will see it! I will give God all the glory and praise from today, until my last days.

I guess, it ends....well, we never know, right?
But, for right now, Lord, I can't complain because I can't even begin to feel what my son feels. I pray you meet his needs, be His Champion and raise him up to feel great and do great things in his life. Lord, lead me to a better doctor, to better medical care, to whatever my son needs, lead me. Guide me to see his needs and why or how he just doesn't get better. Lead me in helping him stay in school. Strengthen and heal my son in Jesus name. Lord, touch my son's body. Restore every organ in his body that refuses to work the way it should. Renew every area in his body and every organ in his body that needs to be made new. Lord, give us as a family the wisdom we need to be smarter, wiser, better listeners, stronger in our faith, and better at looking for ways to help my son. Provide for all his needs, Lord. I believe!
Thank you, Lord. Amen.

I TOLD YOU, JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!

 By Angeline M Duran Santiago

It's been a long wait, right? For some of you, you're still waiting. You're still at someone's bedside, praying and waiting.
For some of you, you're still waiting on your miracle.
For some, the breakthrough is almost there.
For others, you are getting ready to go through the biggest moment ever as you put your faith in focus and share before the world.
And, for others, the worst has passed. You are thanking the Lord for what He has done, but you still have your armor on because for us who walk by faith and not by sight, our battle is rarely over, right?

So, I found some verses I thought you could use as you either come to the close of your dark night, get ready to rejoice in God's blessings, or are still on your knees crying out to God.

 

Hear the Lord whispering into your heart......

 God will never back down on His Word.

God is not looking to mess up and look bad when He has spoken

and made a promise into your life. He will keep His Word.

Maybe you're like me, sickness constantly showing up with their luggage and back packs, like it's Thanksgiving and it's here for dinner. God has given us the Scriptures to believe in God's power to restore us and set us free from all sickness. Command it to go!

PEACE, BE STILL

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

Last night, once more, tsunami waves rose high and splashed like iron fists upon my son. Never ending waves of sickness visited as if a party invitation was sent out to come and harass my child. The storm, it came, and it wouldn't go away. 

I prayed.
I wrote about it to get others to pray with me.
I spoke to the Lord.
At one point I though about returning to the hospital, and then,
"PEACE, BE STILL."
In the midst of the noise, my anxious heart, and seeing him the way he was, "PEACE, BE STILL."

Lord, how?
How do I claim this peace?
How do I stand still when this chaos around me consumes everything I love?
I realize that the moment I begin to question and take my eyes off of God's Word, I begin to sink and sink quickly.

You and I, we see these waves rise up against us in different ways, not just sickness and desperation. You and I see the waves rise and feel that we're going to go under and not be able to come up and out, especially someone like me that doesn't know how to swim. But, here I was, looking at the situation, listening to the dilemma, and God had already said, "Peace."
And God had said, "Be still."

So, I decided to get out of the boat in the midst of the storms last night and attempt my try at walking on water, walking on stormy waters, walking upon the very waves that tormented and threatened me and my family. I stepped out in faith and chose to put my eyes, not on my child's situation, or my heart's fears, but to look straight into God's eyes and keep my focus there. For with my eyes on His promises, I cannot fall, I will not sink, I will not experience defeat.

Morning has come and I cannot go to work without saying, "My son is resting in bed and he is so much better!" I won't be sending him off to school to take exams today because I know he's gone through a lot. But, when he goes, I know he will do well because God has completely restored him. Prayer is telling God we're not only believing but choosing to trust Him even when we feel the buffeting and the sting of the crashing waves upon our skin. Prayer is our conversation of faith that says, "My faith is more than wearing a cross around my neck and a T-Shirt that says Jesus saves." Prayer is my conversation with a true, a real and an awesome God that keeps his word.

Peace, Be still.
This is what the Lord says to you also.
You're hurting. You're desperate. Your battle is real and you bare the scars to prove it.
Peace. Grab hold of the Peace God speaks into your life and your circumstances right now.
God speaks Peace into your body, into your mind and into your room.
God speaks peace into your nervous system, your blood stream, your confusion and your depression. God speaks PEACE to your heart, as you wait in the hospital room, pray in your bedroom, pray on the train, in the bus, or in your car.

Lord, we walk forward knowing your peace is our hope and our strength on this day and always.
Thank you Lord. We love you always. Amen.

THE DARKER THE NIGHT

By Angeline M Duran Santiago


There is no cure for Type 1 Diabetes. God is able to heal. I believe it. God will strengthen us as we wait on him to provide a cure, or remove it by His power and grace, completely.

Tonight, as the past few nights, my daughter and I have watched my son continue to vomit and go through the motions of what doctors say is just a virus. I guess they're right, but I am bothered by the high sugars that just don't go down, even when I continue to monitor his numbers and provide the precise amount of insulin. 

 

Tonight, I am tired. I won't lie to you- I am frustrated, somewhat angry, and overwhelmed. Tomorrow, students take the NY State exams, and while some parents have already prepared their children with hugs, kisses, and sent them to sleep a little early, I am here waiting, and debating if I should return to the Emergency Room. The doctors last night said if he started to throw up again and the glucose rose again, most likely, if there was no change, I should think about returning him to the ER. So, what do I do, Lord?

Am I wrong to wait another half hour? Have I prayed and waited enough or is it I've resigned to just wait and see. I don't want to just sit on the sidelines and wait. I believe God has given us wisdom to make the right choice. But, Lord, I hate to see how he gets poked for blood and how they never find the vein. Six times they attempted to find the right vein. Three different nurses. Only twice did they succeed. He never complained. He just held his breath, took deep breaths and at times just laughed out loud saying, "Oh, my God."

The darker the night, the darker your moment,
The more God's Light and presence shines your way.

 I've wondered at times why God didn't create us so that we could take over the pain and the sickness our children carry. Lord, I'd gladly surrender every part of my being to carry every physical and emotional pain and burden for my children, but you didn't make it that way, did you? Here I am wishing I could take it all away and all I can do is pray, wait on You, Lord. 

Your Word says that if I wait upon you, my strength will be renewed. So, I wait for Jacob's physical strength to be renewed, that he may mount up on wings like the eagle and soar, be strong and be able to wake up feeling brand new.

The darker the night, the weaker my faith gets,
Your love is brighter, Your Light shines my way!

Your Word says to ask and I shall receive. I ask for You to come into my home, tonight, Lord, and lay your powerful hand, compassionate and merciful hand, hands of healing upon my son and remove every evidence of sickness and infection.

Your Word says that Jesus carried every infirmity, disease and all my burdens. I write and believe in my heart that YOU have carried every ache, every pain and discomfort, everything that doesn't belong in Jacob's body and that in Jesus Name, my son is recovering and receiving health.

Your Word says that if I cast my cares and burdens upon you, I shall have rest. I cast my son's worries, his physical problems, his burdens and mine, all into your huge, heavenly hands, because he needs rest, my daughter needs rest, and I need rest. Lord, no more breaking night for us. All we have, Lord, I place before you. Visit our home tonight.

The darker the night, the brighter your love,
The darker the night, the more I wait on You. 

As I share tonight, I wonder, and recognize, I am not the only parent with a sick child. I am most definitely not the only person with a burden, tired or watching their child push through. If you find yourself like me, all I can tell you is that you will have to make the decision to believe once more, or for the first time, that God can and will deliver your child and your family from this sickness. God can and He will make a way. His promises can be trusted for I have seen Him work in our lives so many times. Pray, cry out to the Lord, seek the promises in scriptures, and speak your heart out to the Lord. Cast all your cares, your anxiety, your worries and your heartache before his throne and expect deliverance, expect a change, and expect God to show up. 

I am waiting. I am believing. I am in expectation that the Lord will do mightily on behalf of my son. There is nothing else I can do. The doctors cannot do anything. There is no medicine for a virus. There is no pill to cure Diabetes. But, there is a God that says, even in the midst of this sickness, remember I created your child and I will make all things new. This is the hope I hold on to and I pray you don't despair or give up, trust Him.

 The darker the night, the more His Light shines.
You may be breaking one more night, but call out to the Lord. Yes, it is hard to be up at night when your body wants the pillows and your comfy bed. But, tonight, as dark as it seems here and where you are, God's Light shines brighter than the moon and the stars. His presence is brighter than that the lights left outside to light the sidewalks or the streets. The darker the night, the more I know God's blessings are on their way, greater and stronger than ever before.

FLOOD DAMAGE

Yesterday, I had so many thoughts in my mind in regards to what I had just seen. We talk about the effects of a flood, but sometimes, it's not until we are physically present to see, hear and sense what has taken place and still lingers, to truly understand what has just taken place.

I sit here, thinking and writing....you see, the whole phrase, "We just got flooded out." hasn't quiet left my mind since yesterday. I had heard about the flood and the damage it had caused, but yesterday, I walked through the hallways and saw all the damaged furniture, I smelled the dampness that loudly said, "I did it! Yup, it was me! I wiped them all out!" I saw the walls, ripped away leaving only metal frames. I saw the equipment, computers, desks, and well, everything, damaged and gone. That's where it all clicked in, though.

It was in seeing people working together to clean up and see what they could find to clean and restore or use again that the visual began to work a message in my heart. It was there, in the smelly, damp aftermath, that I said, "Well, I guess we have no other choice but to start anew. God does have a way of doing things."

It was there that I saw that even in a negative situation, God was answering prayer. God was still in control, even through the flood, through the storm, through the loss of everything, He was present, releasing a Word of Hope, a Word that promised a new beginning.

Isn't that how it is? God will have to sometimes allow the flood to come to see if we'll hide in the Ark of His protection and allow Him to make all things new. All things new.

That's what I long for. 
I don't just long for all things new in this place where they have lost everything. In my heart, I was praying for a way to help them see they needed change, to work together to clean up house, to open up to receiving what I had to give them, and it just seemed like it was going to be so difficult. But, here they were, the very people that only a few weeks ago seemed to not want to hear or see me, now they were allowing me to clean up and be part of their recovery efforts. 

I can't explain it to you, but in the midst of the chaos, I felt joy. I felt peace. I felt God saying, "It's my way of giving you a brand new start."

So, of course, I can't just leave it all to my life on the outside, I always believe God allows all things as a lesson for me on the inside. 

Flood damage comes in all kinds of ways. Today, or at least for the past few days, the flood seems to be in my home, hitting hard. It's like one thing after the other, but most importantly, it seems my youngest keeps getting the worst of it. He's sick again and for a T1D, even if he hasn't eaten, the blood glucose can still keep soaring. Many medicines make the sugars go up. A fever or even fighting a cold can make his need for insulin be greater than on regular days.

I confess, I'm tired and I don't know what to do sometimes. I feel worn out, frustrated, and soaked in the flood that has come crashing down upon me and my home. I don't know how to clean up and lead this family to where we can begin to experience, "all things new". 

The truth is, I don't have a choice in the matter because, just as yesterday's team had no choice but to assess the damage, clean up and get things back to working order, I have to do the same. I have to get it together, regardless of how I feel or what I don't feel. God is making all things new. It is a new season, regardless of what I see going wrong.

The flood has taken over and what am I going to do about it? Do I sit around and mope, cry, throw a tantrum, or do I put on my rubber boots and begin the clean up, starting on aisle 4, no, I mean, the living room or the kitchen? The clean up starts in my heart. It begins in my mind. It is initiated in my spirit as I allow God to guide me through the hard times. 

Clean up begins as I believe for the promises of God to take me to a new place, not only spiritually, but physically. I cannot stop believing for my son's healing. I cannot stop believing for prosperity and joy in my home. I cannot. I have no other choice and neither do you.

What does the flood in your life look like?
Is it sickness?
Is it financial hardship?
Is it a battle in your home where the family has days where they all go at each other for no reason?
Do you feel darkness and all principalities have unleashed their worst upon you?
Do you regret your choices and can't seem to stop blaming your current situation because of your past?

Are you stuck and you want to run but the flood has overtaken you and you don't know what to do?

It's time to not only build an Ark to dwell in as the flood has it's way, and until God allows us to come out of the Ark to start our new life in the new work He is placing before us, but I also think of the Ark of the Covenant. Just as God made promises to Noah, and sealed with the rainbow, the Ark of the Covenant would later resemble again, God keeping His promises and providing for His people, through the hardships they would face.

So, the flood has come. Without a doubt, I may even have the damp smell on me. Yet, as I sign off, I want to declare for myself and for you that God is making all things new! Regardless of how, when or where, you and I are going to see God work all the details of our lives out. Yes, we are with the mop, the bucket, the mess, and the fatigue of dealing with the flood, but it is almost over. God has allowed it all for a reason, to make all things new. 

So, come Spirit of the Living God and breathe upon me, upon my son, upon my children, my family, my friends. Breathe new life into our spirits, our homes, and our workplace. Breathe into our situations and make all things new. Breathe and lift us up. Let your glory fill our homes, our hearts, and bring the needed change. Bless us and lead us to be a blessing wherever we go, in Jesus Name, Amen.

FACT: "IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD"

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

Most of you who read what I share know me through my blog, "From My Home to Yours".

This is one more page I jot my thoughts about my journey as the mom of a child with Type 1 Diabetes. Many people will disagree with my way of seeing things and that's so okay. You see, we all have our way of seeing, believing, and responding to what we embrace as "The Truth" for our lives.

For me, the fact I want to share has to do with the things I've noticed over and over that are so very hard for God. I've tried to see Him always as the God of the impossible, but these past few months, I've grown to see Him as the God who struggles and has a hard times with many things as well.

Go ahead and say what you will. You can't change my mind. I've decided that it's impossible for God when it comes to certain matters in my life and I won't bulge, not even a tiny bit.

It's impossible for God to abandon me.

It's impossible for God to leave you alone.

It's impossible for God to leave me hanging, making promises and then walk out on me.

It's impossible for God to go back on His word. If He said it, Hold on to it.

You might say, "Angie, you're delusional. Your son is not healed. There are prayers unanswered. Look at your own situation. Where's your answering God?" And I will smile, turn around to face you and say, "He has not left me in the pit to rot. He will not leave you either."

It's impossible for God to stop loving me.

It's impossible for God to stop 

loving my children, my parents, my family and friends.  

It's impossible for God to love only a few people and not love us.

God is love! Liquid Love. Real Love!

It's impossible for God to stop loving you. I believe until the very last breath in humanity, regardless if we accept Him and live for Him, or if we reject Him and hate Him, His love will still cry out to us, call out to us, and reach out to us, til the very end.

So, that's it. Fact: It's impossible for God to be anyone or anything less than what His own word declares Him to be or do. Number 23:19

Type 1 Diabetes, any other physical condition, any health condition and every mental health situation falls powerless in the presence of God's powerful love. He has promised to heal my son. It's in His Word. So, for now and always, I will declare, "It's impossible for God to be God in my life. It's impossible for God to stop being God in my home. It's impossible for God to mess up, fall down, quit on his promises and play mind games."

 Impossible.

Enjoy my other blog:
From My Home to Yours

IT'S NOT EASY

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

Today was one of those days where you find yourself pushing against the wall and not getting much further than your own reality. Today's journey took me through the motions with my feet, feeling heavy as if I dragged cement blocks inside my sneakers. By the time I was home, exhaustion overtook me emotionally and physically, and I didn't even have the desire to start dinner.

Yes, it was one of those days. Maybe you've had one? Maybe if you're like me, with one amazingly special child who just seems to get sick every now and then, then you just might know just how tired I am- yet I barely did anything at all.

It was the constant calling from the nurses office that started things off on a negative note. Don't get me wrong, call me a billion times if my child's health is a concern. It's just, well, I wonder how truly trained and able today's nurses are. It's like some don't know what to do and no matter how much information you share to help them make your child's day a smooth one, even on sick days, well, it's like they either don't want to be bothered or have discovered the best way to handle things is to say, "Come get your child." And I get it! I'm an educator, working with families and children all day. I know where it comes from. 

But, I also know that I look for solutions, for ways to help the child feel comfortable until parents come for them. I know parents can't always leave work to pick up their children and because I know my own situation, I try to help parents through these hard times. So, where is the help for my son? for me? 

I found myself on the train station, waiting and waiting, under the heavy rain and cold winds. My heart pounded and ached because I couldn't control how fast the train arrived while I waited, knowing my son was feeling miserable.

It's not enough to carry the burden of trying to rush to be with your child, it's how the parent is sometimes treated and spoken to when they arrive. There are those that think sharing some kind of threat makes you run any faster to the school. Where has the compassion and the professionalism gone? Where are the professionals that take their oaths and their careers seriously enough to make a difference in the lives of those they serve?

Instead of seeing the despair, the exhaustion, and the hassle some parents endure when they go to pick up their ill children from the school, the school staff and nurses become cold and see someone whom in their eyes is failing, doing a bad job, "How could you send your child to school feeling this way?" attitude. I want to shout and say, "Hey! Be quiet! This is not my life today, no, not just today or right now! This is my everyday, every moment, don't get a break from it life!" And yes, if I were to keep my son home every time he's not feeling well, I'd be a stay at home mom, homeschooling, and never able to work so that I could provide for my son's needs, which include more than clothing and food, but medical supplies and medication that is not cheap. So, yes, some of us don't have the luxury of being in the PTA or staying home.

My journey is not easy. I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. 
I'm frustrated how this world keeps changing its priorities.
This world's viewpoints keep focusing on the wrong things as their focal points in importance, and they push aside, even wagging their finger in disapproval, at the things that are good, worthy of imitating, and believing in.

Exhaustion claims me and the bed seems a lofty paradise of clouds, calling me away to blissful sleep. The truth is, my day is not done. I've been taking care of my son without a pause. I still have to make sure his blood glucose levels are well enough to let him sleep, give him Lantus, and maybe later on around 11 pm or midnight, check to see if he need Novolog. I'll try to sleep and then wake up to start all over again. I'll still go to work and do my best not to share what's going on because I don't want others to just hear about my struggles. People around me have their own journeys as well. We all find ourselves in some kind of hard time, battle, receiving end of bad news, or just going through the motions. So, I usually don't share, unless I'm really pressed to share.

My journey.
Your journey.
Sometimes we say, "Oh, this is how it is. This is how I feel."
Other times we just, "Shhh....." and wait on the Lord.
Regardless,
we're on this journey and it's up to us to find some joy and strength through each step.

Lord,
I pray for my son's health tonight. Fill him with your healing touch and restore life to those areas in his body that struggle to work as they should. Lord, my son needs you so much. You are able to do great things in his body as he sleeps. Lord, I pray not only for my son, but for others, parents and their children, who are passing through the valley, walking through the darkness, dragging themselves in the midst of their exhaustion to serve, to help, to do what they can- Strengthen them. Bless them with joy in the midst of their pain and troubles. Send rains of healing and restoration into the homes that so desperately need you. The children need you, Lord, but dear God, the parents that are their non-stop, Lord, they need you, too.

Prepare our feet and our hearts, our minds and our bodies,
for tomorrow's journey.....
In Jesus Name, I pray, Amen.

BE.....

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

As the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic, there are many things I wonder about daily. When you see your child not doing or feeling well, as a Christian, we immediately turn our thoughts to the Lord. I had no prayer in me, except one word, Be. In my heart I was telling God to be who He is, Who I know He's been in my life before, and Who the Bible declares Him to be.

Be...

I reminded the Lord who He says He is in His Word. And I asked Him to rise up and Be....

Be Elohim, 
You are the Creator.
Create, O Lord, what is needed for healing to take place in my son and in the bodies of my loved ones.

Be El Roi,
You are the God who sees me.
See what our families go through each day and come to their rescue. Let your healing go forth. See each need.

Be El Shadday,
You are God Almighty!
Rise in our midst and speak the words that will bring healing and deliverance.

Be El Olam,
You are everlasting and eternal.
There is no shadow of changing in you. You are the same yesterday, today and forever. Your promises remain true.

Be Yahweh Yireh,
You are my provider.
When I don't have the means to provide what my children need, Lord, you do. You are their healer. You provide for all their needs.

Be Adonay,
You are Lord and Master in my home. I know sometimes I do my own thing and forget to acknowledge you, but Lord, you are truly Lord and God in my heart. Help me never to forget that.

Be Yahweh Rophe,
You are the Lord who heals.
Move in our midst. Visit my home, my family, and my friends who are sick, who have physical conditions where they cannot live without daily doses of medication, medical supplies or medical procedures. You are the Lord who died on the cross to provide healing. Oh, that you would touch my children as they sleep.

Be Yahweh Shalom,
You are the Lord of Peace.
Come and bring peace into our minds, into our bodies, and into our lives. We cannot live without your presence. You are peace.

Be Yahweh Tsuri,
You are The Lord, My Rock.
I cling to you. I run to You. I hold on to you for you are my strength and my hope is always in you.

Be Yahweh Roi,
You are My Shepherd. 
My children, and my family, we are your sheep. Lead us. Protect us. Be our shelter. Keep us under your shadow.

Be El Chay,
You are My Living God.
You are not dead, fiction, or my uneducated and needy mind making you up for the benefit of being calm and at peace. You are alive and living in our hearts. Come alive, Be alive, Live completely in me, in my children, in my family, and in my friends. Let them, let us, see your glory.

Be Abba,
You are My Father, My Heavenly Father.
You are Abba. Abba, we need you.
We thirst and hunger for your presence in our lives.
We long for your Word to be fulfilled and accomplished in our bodies, in our minds, in our hearts, in our marriages, in our finances, and every area of our lives.
We climb up on to your lap and lean upon your chest, with our heavy minds against your heart, hearing your heartbeat and crying out to you, "Abba, take care of us. We have no one else to turn to."

So, there you have it. Just some of the Names of God I reminded Him I needed Him to be in my life, in my home, in my family, in your family, in your home, and in your life.

Be.
Lord,
You know what I need you to be tonight, daily, always.
Be more than enough,
You are more than enough to me.
My Friend,
My Refuge and Shield,
Deliverer,
Be,
Be my everything.
Just Be.....

COLLAPSING ON THE GROUND

We went out for breakfast to get ready for the game.

I can take time to share all the things that happened this last football game, but instead, I want to focus on something I've never gone through before. As much as I felt I was prepared on Saturday, I truly was not. It is only by God's greatness that my family and I were able to calmly deal with the things that took place in mere seconds.

One of the things I concentrate on before any game (or going out) is making sure my son, Jacob's blood glucose is not high, and that he has eaten a small meal, and that his bag is packed with all the things a Type 1 Diabetic needs for a day's outing. So, you see, I felt sort of confident he was going to be fine for this game. But, it was a very big game, filled with stress and unexpected emotions. 

Jacob was out there doing his thing. Jacob played like a warrior and continued to give his all without a moment to stop. I guess he was so lost in the game that it wasn't until he realized his legs were giving out on him that he walked off the field, zombie like, (I immediately knew what was happening). He just looked at me, "Juice." he said, "Get the juice." 

Jacob, minutes before the game, NFL Pink for a special co-worker, survivor.

As we immediately ran to get his bag and give him his juice, he became wobbly. He swallowed his juice and still his sugar wouldn't rise. Without warning, my precious warrior collapsed on to the ground, without strength, unable to do anything. My strong, powerful son laid like a ragged doll and my mind, for a few seconds, saw myself in my past, going through this with my brothers.  It didn't matter who saw me. I laid my hands on him and began to pray. I prayed with all my heart, immediately thinking on what my younger brothers have gone through in the past with low blood sugars and convulsions, even falling into a coma. I knew God never fails and this was not my son's destiny.

Everyone came to see how he was doing and although they thought of placing him back to play, they realized he was out. I decided he would sit out the rest of the night. As I prayed, he arose and said, "Mom, I'm going back in." Determined and full of faith, my son got up and began to pump himself up. I began to praise the Lord for His mighty power! 

My prayers intensified during the game.  I began to pray and ask the Lord to send angels into the field and protect our team, to be a strong arms that held my son up. Jacob tells me that when he went back into the field,  he felt a strong mighty wind push and blow upon his team. God was letting him know that He shows up, even for football.

 

I can tell you his team continued to play with heart, even more during the last half of the game. But, it was watching my son's passion that brought tears to my eyes as I cheered him on from my cold place in the fan's side. I envisioned the Lord's love all around my son, sheltering and empowering him until the end.

It was horrible to see my son collapse on the ground. I relieved for a few seconds the painful memories of seeing my own brothers, especially my younger one, in what seemed a battle for their lives. Yes, at the moment, for a few seconds, you think, "Oh my Lord, is my son going to die here?" And then that soft voice whispers, "Really? Have you forgotten who is with you?" It is there that instead of thinking on the emergency and the situation, that we need to pray for wisdom and guidance. It is then that we prove our faith by calling on the name of Jesus. It is then that we surrender our cares and our children into His arms and remind Him of His promises!

I saw my son fall unto the ground as if in slow motion, as the voices of those cheering through the game were loudly filling the field. But in that celebrated chaos, God met us. We felt His presence and once more, T1D didn't win in my son's life, God's Victory did!

Do you find yourself collapsing under the pressure of life? Are you battling with a physical condition and feel like this is the end? I don't know God's plan for you, but I know that if you trust Him, He will not let you down. Call upon the Name of the Lord and wait upon Him. He still raises the dead and lifts the ones ready to fall into death, out of darkness and up to do battle on the field again. Be blessed and be strong. God is with you. 

 Awesome song and declaration of healing!

HERE FOR YOU, NO MATTER WHAT

Tonight I am tired. The shower was calming and I think I'm just going to sleep without blow drying my hair. It's been a long day. There's a part of me that would like to complain and vent about what people said or did, but I'm home, where there are things, concerns, and needs way more important than any nonsense I had to deal with today. The issues that are important to my children, those are the things I want to focus on before I go to sleep.

I want to remind them that they are not what their bodies are reacting to. In my home, we deal with a lot of "issues". Some you know, some you don't, some you won't. But, they're there. And like with any family, when one member hurts and you can't do anything but stand with them through the dark moments, it hurts to see your loved one going through the stresses and the motions of various health conditions we can't understand or stop.

"Look in the mirror."
"See the perfect and beautiful you."
"Take a good look at your amazing self."
"Wow! You're powerful and strong!"

Our children, my children, still need affirmation. We all need to be validated and recognized for good things, and not for our weaknesses or limitations. 

Exhausted. 
That's me.
Still, What does God ask of me tonight?

Loosen words of joy and encouragement upon your children. Spill words that are uplifting, inspiring, and loving. You see, the world is not ready, or doesn't want to flood your child's life with great inspiring words to breathe life into them. So, guess what? No matter how tired you, the parent are, you have to be what your child, especially you child with special needs or medical conditions need. They seldom complain, right? 
I know my kids rarely tell me how they really feel. I just know when something's not right. 

So, tonight, with my hair wrapped up in my towel, and my polka-dot pajamas, I'm off, signing off with you, and off to be silly and tell a lame joke, only I most likely will laugh at, but they'll laugh anyways. I'll remind them I love them, they're amazing, special and wonderful. I'll tell them I understand, although I don't truly know every little inch of their pain. God knows and that satisfies me to know He knows, so He'll take care of them.

I'm off to sit on their bedside, listen, laugh, and pray with them. Yes, I have to check my son's sugar, give him Lantus then Novolog. That's two injections and one finger piercing before bedtime, but he just lets me do what has to be done. He hugs the brains out of me and tells me he loves me.

Are you tired? Are you fed up with not being able to provide your child with the healing, the help and the things they need? Then let your hands and your words be the healing and the words they need. Let your laughter, your silliness and your hugs be the magic that ignites the life within them. Let tonight be a night of hugs, warmth and long awaited laughter. End it with thanks to a God in heaven that sees our hurts, and reaches out to heal us, even when our bodies don't always get healed, His strength is sufficient, and His embrace is enough for the journey ahead.

I'M THAT MOTHER

By Angeline M Duran Santiago
Written in response to someone who said, "You're that kind of mother?" So, here goes......Enjoy!

Yes. I'm her. Guilty.
I'm that mother.

I'm that mother who works late hours, even when I'm at home, yes, I'm on my computer~ checking up on things and people, before I shut down and go to sleep. 
Yes, I'm that mother that cooks with one hand and types with the other. Oh yeah, and gives injections on the side as needed.

I'm the mom that is so exhausted sometimes, that I'll order from Grub Hub to make sure my kids eat. It's so late that I don't want to start making some rice after 8pm, but sometimes, Chinese sure looks good.

Yes, I'm that mom that will cook the night before and then store it in the refrigerator so that at least half of the dinner is done when I get home from work.

Yes, I'm that mom that reminds you a hundred times, "Did you do your homework? Let me see. What did you learn in school today? Tell me at least one thing or I'm going to smack you upside your head. (Just kidding) Did you check your sugar? Did you give yourself enough insulin?" "Did you pack your books in your book bag? Are your clothes ready for tomorrow so you're not rushing? Did you take a shower?"

Yes. That's me.
The big pain in the bazookah, my kids say.
And, yes, I'm that mother that will sit with my kids and watch on TV what they want to watch, just because they're my kids and it doesn't matter that I don't love, "The Walking Dead" but hey, it makes them laugh when I get all grossed out.

Ok, by now you know, I'm that mother that loves to see her kids in action, especially any sports or program. So, I'm that lady in the field, half not knowing what just happened when they blow the whistle, clapping and cheering, and Oh yes, sometimes too excited and then, "Oops!" I was cheering and the other team scored."Did I just cheer for the other team?" (Better lay low.)
I'm that mom that usually makes it late to her son's practice during the week. I can't help it.
Remember. I told you. But, what matters is that I get there. I'm there, saying, "Present." And for him, that's all that matters.

I happen to really love what I do.
I take care of children and families at work, too. And yes, mine comes first, but so do they and well, sometimes, just sometimes, my kids end up having to wait. They forgive me. They know I'll make the weekend a little more special just to say, "Thank you for understanding."

There's a joy, I can't describe, being with my kids. And, then I'm the pain all over again.
"So, Jacob. You're going to read for 3o minutes, right?" "Huh," he says, reluctantly, dragging each sound, "Yeah."

I'm that mother that will invite you in to her life, into her space, into her heart.
And you will most likely be like, "What?!!!" When you see my home, on certain days, well, I'm that mom that doesn't always get to do laundry. So, weekends I have a lot of laundry to wash and fold and put away.

I'm that mother that may have all her work on the computer table, the laptop by the bedside, the books on the floor, all the lesson plans in folders next to the books on the floor and yes, if I'm really in a bind to get work done and make sure my son completes his homework, you'll be like, "OH MY GOODNESS!" When you see the dishes I left this morning, because, yes, I'm that mom that on certain days, I have to leave super early to be at work.
That's just how it is.

I'm not anything amazing or special. I'm sometimes a little crazy, but I'm punctual, responsible, dedicated and good at what I do.

I'm that mother that discusses life with her kids and sometimes I lay back with them and we laugh, really laugh. 
I'm that mom that will listen, really listen and hope you listen when I share my heart, also.
I'm that mom that at times, I'm so tired that I want to just crash on my bed, or the sofa, and fall asleep.
I'm that mother that many times wants to let the tears fall when I see the things that need to get done but have to wait until next time.
I'm that mom that sometimes wishes for more time when time has been extended.
I'm that mom that still wants more. I still dream in living color and accept the challenges life gives without asking.
 
I'm that mom that will hug you, that will hug my twenty something child, and when my child is forty I will still embrace and cradle my child, because they will always be my baby.

Now you know.

No gimmicks. No hiding. No faking it here.
I'm that crazy mom that puts on 80's music and dances likes she's in the nightclub all by herself. I'm that mom that sings like she's Chaka Khan or Donna Summers and I've just started to get my vocals warmed up. And, I'm that mom that holds her child and prays with all her heart for healing, for a breakthrough, for a miracle when it seems far away. I'm that mom that treasures her Bible as one of her greatest gifts.
I'm that mom that many times will seem mean because I cannot be at a parent teacher's meeting, but I'll make time to meet the teacher somehow.

I'm that mom that sometimes people think, "She doesn't care." But, they don't see me in my heels rushing to be at a practice, running to a doctor's appointment because I asked for the last one so I wouldn't have to miss work, or washing socks at night by the sink because there was no time to do all the laundry during the weekend.

 This is me.
Raw, in the flesh.
Nothing to hide.
Just me.
God loving me.
Me loving and praising God on the train.
I'm that mother that fearlessly gives her all and waits for nothing in return. 
I'm that mother that has chosen to live in the professional world and still live with complete faith and trust in the God, Creator of this Universe.
Yes, and Yes.
I'm that mother. 
Love me or push me away.
I'm not alone.
There are more like me out there.
You're that mother, too.
God bless you, strengthen you and help you.
For the work you do each day is great, but greater is He that is in you to help you always.