TYPE 1 DIABETIC'S MOM TALKS About WAITING

 Written by Angeline M Duran Santiago

Waiting. 

That’s where I find myself this week. 

Waiting.

Waiting to see what the changes in my son’s Lantus amount do or don’t do.

Waiting to

 see if changing his insulin from Apidra to Novolog again will make a difference.

Waiting.

Waiting to see if the Dexcom will come through again and what challenges I will go through when my son doesn’t wear another insert on his already marred body

.

We wait for so many things. We wait to see if those famous walks to find a cure really make a difference or if it’s just one more event for show. 

We wait to see if our children will feel better when we seek guidance from a new doctor. 

There is always something in our lives where we find ourselves either physically or mentally on line, at the door, waiting to see what will be the outcome.

Then there’s school. I’m waiting to see if my son will do better in school. Yet, he’s always feeling so horrible that school has become the last thing on his list of accomplishments. Sports have started to take a back seat and there are days he seems so far away. As a parent, I always feel guilty, like it’s my fault or I haven’t done enough. 

I try to become the cheerleader he needs to encourage him and push him with love but I regularly fail at my silly attempts. God knows, I want to try. I really do. I’m waiting to find the right way to nudge him, motivate him to believe in himself and return to a place where he is confident and believes he can do the impossible.

Here is where waiting takes another turn for me.

I am also a parent that has embraced each word found in scripture. Those words have become my personal life lines and my own encouragement while I wait.

While I wait for the progress in my son’s health, I also wait on the Lord. God is an amazing friend who has provided me with words of hope. I’ve searched for promises that will keep me strong while I wait. I believe that these words will be an amazing resource for parents of not only children and teenagers who have Type 1 Diabetes, but for parents of any child who is dealing with a chronic illness or any physical condition where they are constantly dependant on any form of medical treatment.

 It’s hard, so very hard for our children, but it’s also hard, (though we rarely talk about it) for parents because we watch our children get better then deteriorate again. We watch them take steps towards recovery and we watch them fall again into painful situations where they seem to fall apart in our arms. We hold back tears. We don’t share our pain. We smile and say, “It’s ok. I have faith in God.” But, inside, we still fall apart when our children are hurting. 

And this is why it’s so important for me to write about my moments where I am waiting. It is in these times of pause that the stress is surrendered to my loving heavenly Father. My hurts and times where I feel incompetent and unworthy as a parent that God’s love reminds me that where I fail and lack, He gives me wisdom and empowers me to do my best.

Lord, I wait upon you. You are my strength and the One who guides me. Help me to be the parent my son needs. Strengthen me and grant me the wisdom and ability to know how to make the best decisions for my son. Show me how to inspire him and be example of your love and your goodness. 

Help other parents who struggle or go through hardships. You know those parents that live in the hospital with their kids. Be there present with them and hold them in your arms.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Psalms 130:5-6 “I wait for the LORD,  my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”

Isaiah 40:31   but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Micah 7:7   But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

Psalms 37:7   Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!

Hosea 12:6

Therefore, return to your God, Observe kindness and justice, And wait for your God continually.

PARENTS OF T1D TEEN DON'T GIVE UP!

Written by Angeline M Duran Santiago

I’ve wanted to write about so many things lately. Time has not been on my side. My stories are not few. I believe that God always gives us just the right moment to pen our thoughts and our cares. To me, each moment I write is therapy in my mind and in my heart. My words are sometimes prayers and declarations of faith and trust in a God that is greater than my circumstances. My words are sometimes opportunities to share my heart, when it’s strong and when it’s crying out to God.

Today I feel the burden of wanting to be a better mom. The many thoughts in my mind can easily make me feel like I’m not doing enough- although I know in my heart I am trying to do so much more. I’ve tried to give my kids all I thought they needed. It’s never been in my agenda to provide materials things as proof of my love. I’ve never believed in using things to validate my love. No matter what we give our kids, I don’t believe they ever feel we’ve given enough of what they feel they should’ve gotten from me as a mother. And then, there are moments like those I experience daily where I’m told I’m just too on top of them and need to pull away.

As the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic, I’ve tried providing support and taking care of my son from the sidelines. I could see the frustration on his face each time I reminded him to check his sugar or if he has given himself insulin and the faces told me, “Mom, please, I know!” I know he knows but even though he knows perhaps as much or more than those wonderful Diabetes Educators, he still falls short of completing the daily tasks of doing things on time. He still gets carried away with the games or his friends and yes, believe it or not, and maybe most parents can agree, he forgets to give himself insulin and doesn’t remember until he’s feeling sick and his sugars have spiked.

Then, I lovingly go and remind him that I had asked him to do it a while back and these moments seem to build a wall between us. Anger lays down bricks that separate us. I try to back down and give him space but when I do, I see the things that need to be in order become chaos. It all falls on me because I have to be the one to make sure he is feeling well and taking care of himself. He wants to be big and show me he has it under control. My world is being shaken and he can’t see the damage he is accumulating each time he wants to live as if T1D was not a part of his world. But, it is. I keep praying that God will completely heal him. I believe God is able to renew my son’s inner body and transform him. But, that is all in God’s time and in God’s will.

So, I write. I remind myself that God is still in control and that when His word says he has great plans for my son’s future, I still believe it is so. I write and remind myself that my son is still growing in many ways and that the Lord breaks down walls built through misunderstandings and frustrations when parents try to get their children to truly understand that what they tell them or ask them to do is for their benefit and that there are blessings physically and in so many ways to take care of themselves. I write and I encourage myself because I believe that when we ask God to guide us as parents, He is a God that answers and directs our paths. I believe God is interested in blessing the home and keeping families happy and strong. This is why I tell myself to wait upon the Lord. He will do something in my home with my son as he continues to find his way with the Type 1 Diabetes. I believe he is not alone and that the Lord will help him and the Lord will help me.

As the parent of a T1D, I don’t always feel accomplished. I’m stressed and overwhelmed, especially at night when I want to go to sleep and my son hasn’t taken care of his needs. I’m the voice that bothers. I’m the presence that annoys. I’m the mom who cares and can’t sleep until he checks his sugar, covers himself with insulin or his pump or gets Lantus. He sees me as a pain in his rear, but God calls me to push through and continue to love him and do all I do with the greatest love inside of me. I continue to pray for wisdom and I keep praying for other parents who go through frustrating moments like I do. God is able to strengthen us and help us through the hard times.  He will be present to celebrate the good times with us as well. Until there is a cure and until God’s hands completely transform our sick children, may they hear our voices as loving and caring reminders of our love for their present health and their future success. May the Lord continue to bless parents like you that care a little extra but never give up.