Written by Angeline M Duran Santiago
That’s where I find myself this week.
Waiting to see what the changes in my son’s Lantus amount do or don’t do.
see if changing his insulin from Apidra to Novolog again will make a difference.
Waiting to see if the Dexcom will come through again and what challenges I will go through when my son doesn’t wear another insert on his already marred body
We wait for so many things. We wait to see if those famous walks to find a cure really make a difference or if it’s just one more event for show.
We wait to see if our children will feel better when we seek guidance from a new doctor.
There is always something in our lives where we find ourselves either physically or mentally on line, at the door, waiting to see what will be the outcome.
Then there’s school. I’m waiting to see if my son will do better in school. Yet, he’s always feeling so horrible that school has become the last thing on his list of accomplishments. Sports have started to take a back seat and there are days he seems so far away. As a parent, I always feel guilty, like it’s my fault or I haven’t done enough.
I try to become the cheerleader he needs to encourage him and push him with love but I regularly fail at my silly attempts. God knows, I want to try. I really do. I’m waiting to find the right way to nudge him, motivate him to believe in himself and return to a place where he is confident and believes he can do the impossible.
Here is where waiting takes another turn for me.
I am also a parent that has embraced each word found in scripture. Those words have become my personal life lines and my own encouragement while I wait.
While I wait for the progress in my son’s health, I also wait on the Lord. God is an amazing friend who has provided me with words of hope. I’ve searched for promises that will keep me strong while I wait. I believe that these words will be an amazing resource for parents of not only children and teenagers who have Type 1 Diabetes, but for parents of any child who is dealing with a chronic illness or any physical condition where they are constantly dependant on any form of medical treatment.
It’s hard, so very hard for our children, but it’s also hard, (though we rarely talk about it) for parents because we watch our children get better then deteriorate again. We watch them take steps towards recovery and we watch them fall again into painful situations where they seem to fall apart in our arms. We hold back tears. We don’t share our pain. We smile and say, “It’s ok. I have faith in God.” But, inside, we still fall apart when our children are hurting.
And this is why it’s so important for me to write about my moments where I am waiting. It is in these times of pause that the stress is surrendered to my loving heavenly Father. My hurts and times where I feel incompetent and unworthy as a parent that God’s love reminds me that where I fail and lack, He gives me wisdom and empowers me to do my best.
Lord, I wait upon you. You are my strength and the One who guides me. Help me to be the parent my son needs. Strengthen me and grant me the wisdom and ability to know how to make the best decisions for my son. Show me how to inspire him and be example of your love and your goodness.
Help other parents who struggle or go through hardships. You know those parents that live in the hospital with their kids. Be there present with them and hold them in your arms.
In Jesus name, Amen.
Psalms 130:5-6 “I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”
Isaiah 40:31 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Micah 7:7 But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.
Psalms 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!
Therefore, return to your God, Observe kindness and justice, And wait for your God continually.