By Angeline M Duran Santiago
Planning.
Preparing.
Almost ready.
No.
Lord, I don't feel he's ready, but I'm letting go.
"Letting go?" I feel the Lord is asking.
And I reply.
"I'm going to trust You. I'm laying my son before You, in Your hands.
No, Lord, not just in Your hands but in Your embrace.
Can you keep him close to Your heart?"
Surrender.
Tonight I finish packing my son's belongings.
He'll head out to Football Camp first thing tomorrow morning.
Most kids just pack their clothes, toiletries and bedding.
Jacob's bags will be different.
He'll have a lot of extra stuff.
Diabetes supplies by the dozen, for at least two weeks, although he'll be gone for one.
Extra of everything, from Insulin to syringes and test strips.
Snacks. I'll make sure he has snacks, juices, and those small chewables for when his sugar drops.
Intense.
Jacob's workout is intense.
I watched him yesterday running and jogging and then running again, for at least ten minutes.
The exercises are long, repetitive and at times so hard.
He presses through.
His sugar may drop and he'll step away from his team to take care of it but then he immediately returns when he's allowed to rejoin his teammates. He becomes anxious having to wait it off until his sugar is at a good number, like he calls it.
Thinking.
I am here with a million thoughts in my mind and I wish, if just for a moment, that things were so different. He has so many dreams and I think his Coaches are afraid he can't make it as an athlete. Leagues focus on selecting their main players and their whole year centers around them. I'm so glad that the Lord God is not that way. He doesn't make anyone more special or more valuable than others. He reaches for all. He gives to all. God celebrates our achievements and joins with us as we dream.
Tonight I will finish packing but as I pack, I will pray a little more than I prayed before.
"You are not alone."
Did you hear that, Jacob? I spoke it as I packed and the words fell upon your clothes.
"God is there with you."
Do you know that, Jacob? I'm speaking it into your life although you're in another room.
I will trust in the One who made you.
(But Type One Diabetes is here.)
No, my son, He made you perfect.
Remember all that we have spoken, all that I've tried to teach you and all that you say you know.
You can do this. You will have fun. You will be alright.
Lord,
before he was my son, he was yours.
Before I knew his hurts, You had promised to take care of every tear.
Lord,
Before I attempted to let go and trust completely in You,
You had already shown me to trust because You also surrendered Your Son, for me, for Jacob.
Holy Spirit,
Never leave his side.
Be the voice that awakens him when needed through the night,
Be the Guide that makes him search for help and direction,
Be the Help if he doesn't know what to do.
The Football player in the family is ready.
He is motivated, psyched up, pumped up and ready to fly.
"Go, Jacob! Run! Soar! Fly!"
Type One Diabetes I grant you permission to pass away into the sea of forgetfulness, permanently. I give you permission to fall upon the ground like a dead man so that you can be buried and gone. I remind you that Jesus Christ not only died on the cross for our sins, but also for every sickness, for every fear, every disease and every physical and emotional complication this world may bring our way. I speak into my son's body and remind it to believe in God's promises, to hold on to God's blessings and to embrace God's provision. I speak into my son's life and speak Life, Strength, Courage, Boldness, Healing, Empowerment, Ability, Discernment and Success!
Soar, my son. Do what you're good at. Succeed. Excel. Triumph on that field.
I celebrate your victories and I rejoice with you.
Thank you, Lord.
Thank you that you are my Confidence and Hope.
You keep my head up when it wants to fall down.
You keep me going forward when my spirit is faint.
I bless and praise Your name.
I know You will be with my son, In Jesus Name, I place all my hope and trust in You. Amen.
