Can I share a little with you tonight?
I mean, with those of you, that maybe like me, have an idea of what it's like to wonder throughout the day how your child is doing, I am referring to your child who is on some type of daily medication, treatment or procedure. I am reaching out tonight to parents and caretakers who know what it's like to be up late into the morning hours giving your child a treatment, giving them insulin or any other type of medical procedure that may not be easy to do as a parent, but you know it is the lifeline for your child. So, yes, to you who along with the many thousands who join the ranks with me, I sit down to write to you, because I think- no, I know you understand.
I know you "get me" and where I coming from tonight. You know what it's like to get that phone call you never want to get. Yup, the one where the school nurse is asking you to come (again) to pick up your child because they're sick. You know what it's like to look at your boss and share your need to leave the office because the truth is no one can take care of your child but you. Everyone else can have an emergency, but it's those of us with a sick child that seem to stand out. It may only be once in a blue moon where the sickness seems to peak and put on it's greatest show. It seems unfair at times that our needs are misunderstood and not seen the same way the needs of others are accepted and handled.
There is a level of frustration that I feel tonight because the truth is I am tired and I don't know what else to do or where else to turn. My only hope, my complete hope, is just coming before the Lord, the One I believe in with all my heart, and just sit before Him. Lord, I wait upon You, tonight. I am so done, Lord. I've tried every idea, taken all the advice, and still Lord, I see my child afflicted and affected with the changed in his blood levels. Today, while at work, his words didn't make sense to me. I traveled back in time to a moment where my younger brother was having a seizure and had called me while I was in Puerto Rico. Something in my heart dropped and I felt so helpless. Do I panic? Do I cry? Do I run? But how can I cry or run when there is no place to run to or hide my tears? Time came and went as I waited for my husband to arrive to get me so that we could get to our son. The car seemed to be going extra slow. The traffic was slower than usual and my heart and mind wanted to confuse and overwhelm me.
While some may look to see if my reaction is equal to my situation, I have chosen instead to seek the peace that comes from placing my emergencies, my worries and my desperation into God's care. I mean, really, do I have any other place to go to and any person that will understand me? I can freely talk to you, parents of children with Type 1 Diabetes, Asthma, Kidney disease or so many other chronic conditions that make us a different kind of parent, you understand- or at least I imagine you do. I know you're up late at night and still just kiss your child good night and get ready for your morning, even with one or less hours of sleep. We don't tell people that we've spent the night in the hospital because if we told them that we do this on a regular, they probably won't believe it anyway. But, yes, we know what it's like to have our children admitted and still show up for work the next day without giving too much details because well. It's not my way or my place to share every tiny moment of my week, but like you, many are painful, hard, exhausting and I wish I could trade them for chocolate chip ice cream and a good day of rest, maybe even being able to oversleep.
To you, my friend, who sits there or sleeps next to your sick child, can I say something? "God has not abandoned you!" He never will. I know for a fact that in my hardest day or most difficult night, it is His presence and His love that gives me the strength to get up and keep going. "God is not trying to hurt your child. He is not punishing you or me, or my child." This world is so full of wonder, of mystery and so much falling away from God and wanting our own way. I believe sickness comes into to our lives, not because God watches to see who He will destroy, but because it gives God the opportunity to show up in our pain and our hard times. I know in my heart God can heal and why he hasn't done the work in my son yet, only He knows. But, until then, I keep waiting and hoping.
Please do the same. Don't give up and don't become so angry that you blame God and stop living for the Lord. Don't stop seeking His will and digging into the Scriptures to discover His word for you each day. Keep praying and keep believing for restoration and complete healing for your child. Ask the Lord to be glorified in your child's life, in your child's body and in your home. Even there, in that hospital room, Lord, be glorified. Show up in that hospital room and breathe life into that child and into those parents who so need you, Lord. Dear God, come with a powerful visitation into my own home and drive every spec of sickness out and away. Restore, oh God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob. God of Moses, come and do a new work in our children. God who opened the Red Sea and who helped David bring down the giant Goliath, help us bring down the giants of sickness, chronic diseases and painful conditions in our children. Rise up, Lord! Raise me up to continue to praise you and worship you in the midst of my confusion and my trouble. Give me the ability to give you glory even when I am exhausted and struggle to pray. Enable me to be brave when I feel weak and afraid, in Jesus name.
Lord, help and bless each parent that is hurting, suffering and feeling so down, tonight. Lord, fill their lives in a special way. Embrace them. Fill them. Speak into their lives with your love. Amen.
Written By Angeline M Duran Santiago